Election 2017: From merry-go-round to vortex

By Andrew Salmon

Experienced Korea-based reporters tend to acquire a portfolio of stories that crop up time and again. Nothing changes, so these “merry-go-round” stories can be dusted off and re-filed to editors, with minimal edits, ad infinitum. All the lazy, cynical hack needs to do is to alter the lede graf, a few names, dates and numbers, and ­voila! Another day! Another dollar!

These pieces include the following: Corrupt chaebol chairman charged over fraud/embezzlement/bribery. Corrupt chairman let off by judge due to his “importance to the economy.” Chairman charged (again), jailed and pardoned due to his “importance to the economy.“

North Korea fires ballistic missile. Japan, USA and South Korea thump desks, while China urges all parties to remain calm. North Korea detonates nuclear device. Japan, South Korea and USA howl that there will be repercussions, while China urges all parties to remain calm. Repercussions fail to impact North Korea’s behavior. Nobody is calm.

South Korea and USA conduct spring military exercises. North Korea vows to blow its enemies from hell to breakfast. To the befuddlement of editors worldwide, South Koreans express no fear of impending Armageddon. Armageddon fails to materialize. To the disappointment of editors worldwide, human life continues.

Then there is that old chestnut, “The presidential election.“

These come round every five years, but due to the acceleration of another merry-go-round story (president enters “lame duck” period ― this time, the president is not just lame, she has been impeached and jailed), today’s 2017 election arrived earlier than expected.

The winning candidate faces a depressing merry-go-round of challenges, domestic and foreign.

Domestic: Business­political collusion, cronyism and corruption. Maturing economy resulting in slowing growth and alarm among vernacular media that Korea is in “recession” or “crisis” (In fact, it has not suffered a recession since 1999). Youth unemployment rising. (Albeit, South Korea continues to import hundreds of thousands of migrant workers). Household debt rising. (Defying the efforts of every administration since the credit card crisis of 2002 to ease this problem). Restructuring of (add company or sector name here). Bleak ― indeed, suicidal ― pessimism among Koreans about the unfairness of their society/future prospects.

Foreign: Security threats from North Korea. Diplomatic disputes with Japan over historical and territorial issues. Strategic disputes with USA over U.S. assets and costs. The potential of latent anti-Japanese and anti-American sentiment ― with anti-Chinese sentiment possibly joining the list ― exploding into protest. Can (quiver) hallyu continue its global march?

Exacerbating all the above is that, while Korean institutions continue to tick over, actual policymaking has been frozen since late 2016, when the Park administration foundered in the morass of impeachment.

Petrochemical and shipbuilding sectoral restructuring is on indefinite hold. Slavish banks offer further money to grossly indebted zombie companies. THAAD has infuriated Beijing, but any climb-down risks infuriating Washington and its mercurial president, Donald Trump. Tokyo is apoplectic over what it considers Seoul’s volte face on the 2015 comfort women agreement (and will be further incensed by presidential candidates’ demands to renegotiate it). And speaking of renegotiations: Trump is insisting that the Korea-U.S. Free Trade Agreement needs recalibrating.

These additional challenges add greater weight to the already crushing burden of merry-go-round issues. Hence I pose (again) the question I asked in this column in 2012: “Presidential candidates: Are you mad?”

You know that “winning” an election leads to loss and misery. And do you honestly think you can resolve any of these issues? Particularly given that your back will be against the wall?

You know how vindictive Koreans are toward their leaders! You know how corrupted/corruptive Korean power structures are! Your term will implode in lame-duckery, scandal and disgrace! Post-presidency, you and/or family members will end up in pokey! Oh ― and you will probably face impeachment!

So is becoming president wise? It is? Really?

OK, sucker. I warned you! I will conclude with some kind advice for your unfortunate family members.

Extricate yourself from this naive, myopic and compromised ego-maniac’s affairs immediately! When things go downhill, as they inevitably will, you don’t want to tumble off the merry-go-round and into the vortex.

Andrew Salmon is a Seoul-based reporter and author. Reach him at andrewcsalmon@yahoo.co.uk.