Understanding North Korea’s castle from the outside

Kim Su-jin, right, speaks at an international school outside of Seoul in October 2024. Assisting her with interpretation during Q&A was Freedom Speakers International co-founder Lee Eun-koo. Courtesy of Freedom Speakers International

Being displaced from my hometown, the longing to return isn’t just emotional — it feels inevitable, embedded in my sense of identity. I didn’t leave North Korea by choice. Like many others, I left because staying meant continued suffering, stagnation or worse.

It is well-known that the main escape route out of North Korea — crossing the icy waters of the Tumen River and navigating hostile terrain — is a desperate and dangerous journey. But what often goes unspoken is that survival is only the beginning.

After arriving in South Korea, the question slowly shifted: “Now that I’m safe, what next?”

I had survived — but had I made sense of my past? And more importantly, could I help others understand what I had lived through?

That uncertainty stayed with me. I often ask myself: “Am I truly persuading others when I speak about freedom in North Korea? Do I speak from conviction, or from habit? Do I rely on emotional appeals, or do I offer informed insight?”

That motivated me to take a graduate school course on North Korean sociology. Even though I had lived in North Korea, I had never studied it.

I had accepted its rules, endured its contradictions and adjusted to its harsh realities, but I hadn’t questioned its structures or traced its historical and ideological roots.

Though I was born and raised there, I’ve realized how little I understood my own country.

There’s a Chinese proverb: “You understand the castle better from the outside.”

Now, standing outside those walls, I am beginning to see North Korea with fresh eyes.

By stepping back and studying North Korea from a distance, I wanted to move beyond personal memory and trauma — to base my voice on knowledge, not just experience.

That’s why this North Korean Studies course has been so valuable. It’s more than an academic exercise; it’s a journey of clarity and transformation.

One of the most powerful moments came when I visited the North Korea Resource Center at the National Library of Korea. To outsiders, it may seem like just a collection of books. But to me, it was a reunion with pieces of my past — volumes I had once borrowed in secret, books I had only been able to read after bribing others with snacks I had saved over weeks.

I remember the feeling of turning those fragile pages in North Korea, knowing I might never see such words again.

And yet, here I was — sitting safely in a library in South Korea, holding those very same titles.

I never thought I’d see them again. And I certainly never imagined I’d be studying them — not as forbidden curiosities, but as materials for scholarly research.

Reunification for me isn’t just a political concept — it’s personal. And now, it’s informed. This course has helped me bridge the distance between lived experience and deeper understanding. It hasn’t answered all my questions, but it has helped me ask better ones.

And that, perhaps, is the beginning of genuine insight — and the foundation for a more persuasive voice.

Kim Su-jin escaped from North Korea in 2003 and arrived in South Korea in 2007. She is now a Keynote Speaker with Freedom Speakers International (FSI). This article was translated from Korean to English by FSI co-founder Lee Eun-koo and edited for publication by FSI co-founder Casey Lartigue Jr.