Out of sight, out of mind

By Lee Eung-tae

As long as someone is remembered, they are not completely gone even after being pronounced dead in the hospital. So, our pet dog is still alive for us whenever we see the same breed on the street, even though we buried him 10 years ago.

And yesterday when I saw an old lady in shabby clothes meandering around the railway platform, not knowing which gate to go for her destination, her pathetic look reminded me of my mom who passed away alone in the closed hospital during the pandemic. Her death broke my heart. But soon, conjuring up the memory of swapping jokes while eating her favorite chicken soup together, I smiled.

From this perspective we don't lose loved ones as long as we can keep them in our memory. The reason is, whenever they are with us in memories whether good or not, they live on in us.

However, when I turned this realization on its head, I became very melancholy. While fiddling with my cellphone trying to send Lunar New Year Greetings, I felt many people in my address list had become strangers to me. Those who were once my best friends, colleagues, students and close acquaintances have disappeared into oblivion.

Sadly, I realized I have lost many loved ones even while they are physically alive and breathing with me on our planet. The precious bonds between us have been broken due to the long absence of intimate contact caused by my despicable selfishness. Looking back, I see I have neglected the noble duty of socializing with them using the excuses of the pandemic and necessary busying chores.

As a result, as swiftly as passing express trains, once-close friends have receded to the far reaches of my memory. Despite occasional greetings by text message, I can no longer feel the same intimacy as before. I became as if indifferent to those who once were very close and dear to me, as the old saying goes: “Out of sight, out of mind.”

And yet realizing this, I still hesitated to call them as if I felt I would be calling strangers. Worse, assailed by such pathetic feelings I found myself erasing their names from my address book.

Suddenly, I understood that if this vicious cycle continues, there would be no one left to me. And I felt wretched imagining a frail solitary old man deserted in a cold apartment, forsaken by one-time loved ones and dying in miserable solitude. What is the use of money when there is no one left around me?

Man is a social animal. In 60 years of life I have been made who I am today by innumerable and varied social interactions. Without them, I would not be myself. But due to the neglect of personal communication, I have lost the precious feelings I once shared with them. So little by little they have ceased to exist with me and essential human links are sundered.

Just as flowers wither without water and sunlight, I realized I cannot flourish without constant personal touch and social interaction. But the isolation of the pandemic continuously forces us to be uncommunicative, and drives us to apathy. At this juncture, impersonal text messages won't be enough to reconnect the bonds of affection.

Before it is too late, I must call each dear friend in person and spend as much time as possible in gentle pleasant talks or tuned to news of others' pains, sorrows and situations in order to re-forge our once strong bonds. Only through this sincere effort will my loved ones remain in me for as long as I live, invaluable treasures to enlighten my soul.

Lee Eung-tae (eungtae@gmail.com) is a former high school teacher who taught English for 35 years.