Courage to change

By Hyon O'Brien

I grew up in the 1950s and '60s in the provincial town of Wonju, the Boise of Korea (in that it was largely known for its potato production). During my 12 years of schooling in Wonju and four years in college, I was an excellent student, top of the class most of the time, except in college. I was quite confident about my academic standing.

With this background, I had a real comeuppance in 1974 when I began coursework for the Master of Library Science degree at Simmons College in Boston. I discovered that I lacked training in thinking for myself and that I didn't know how to question what I was taught the way other students seemed able to do. Asking the teachers why, or why not, was foreign to my thought processes. This habit of rote learning without challenging any points or issues was solidly programmed and formed in me.

It took me more than 25 years of purposeful reprogramming of my mind to be able to challenge what I was told by newspapers, books, television or other people generally. Even now, I sometimes catch myself meekly taking statements as the final version of truth.

It's not just academic situations where a Korean upbringing can breed passivity. When we traveled with three other couples on a Caribbean cruise some years ago, my husband was the only one who was not Korean. During our dinner time together after a day of discoveries and excursions on each island, I noticed that the women almost never participated in the conversations but just let the four men carry on with the chat.

Whenever I joined in, I knew I was violating some unspoken rules practiced among Koreans. I was supposed to be demure and just listen. I no longer do that, so I didn't hesitate to offer my opinions. That's when I realized that I had been somewhat liberated from the cultural indoctrination imposed on Korean women. I successfully freed myself from that unnatural practice that was carefully formed in me by my family during my childhood.

I think of this cultural practice as an issue of gender justice. Confucianism became prevalent in Korea around the 14th century during the Joseon Dynasty. This belief system specified relational codes of conduct. All people under the king were subject to his rule. All sons were subject to fathers. Wives were under the authority of husbands. That meant that females were at the bottom of the chain of power.

So, systemically and culturally for more than five centuries, Koreans, and particularly Korean women, were taught their “places”. Equality and liberty were alien values. Any change to that strictly traditional way of thinking and behavior was resisted and even seen as a betrayal of our Korean culture and national identity.

Of course, these kinds of limits on women are not just a Korean phenomenon. All over the world, females are suppressed for different reasons and the changes needed to correct the wrongs and to make all genders equal are happening very slowly, if at all.

Not too long ago, in Petra, Jordan, we had a traditional dinner prepared by the women of the house at a local home. The food was served by grandsons of the family. However, until we asked, we didn't meet the women who cooked for us. I met the three head-covered Jordanian women in long robes behind the curtain where the guests were served. They are restricted in their movements, clothing and many aspects of life we take for granted in the Western world.

In Tara Westover's memoir “Educated,” we get to witness the enormous change Tara had to go through to become who she is now, a respected writer and scientist with a Ph.D.

First, she had to challenge the fundamentalist upbringing imposed by her parents. Her passion to learn gave her the courage to break away from her mountain home in Idaho. She had to learn how to interact with people of the outside world and strengthen her self-reliance dealing with the unknown territory. We readers cheer her on as she cut the umbilical cord that prevented her growth. We ache with her pain as her parents disown her. We mourn with her at the high price she had to pay to become who she was created to be. We applaud her courage to change.

How about the changes we all need to make to save our planet? Are we aware of the way we use plastics? Do we need to have bottled water? Can we carry around a mug for coffee instead of using plastic cups? What about using public transportation and walking instead of driving?

We have to rethink and reprogram our daily habits if we each want to preserve this planet Earth. Every one of us has to participate in the radical change in the way we think and live.

We should all bear in mind what Mahatma Gandhi told us: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Hyon O'Brien (hyonobrien@gmail.com) is a former reference librarian now living in the United States.