How to 'torture' Koreans

Park Moo-jong

When it comes to "torture," many people, especially Americans, may be reminded of the recent death of Otto Warmbier, a U.S. student, who sustained serious injuries while he was detained in North Korea for 18 months.

The 22-year-old student's cruel fate, despite the brutal denial of North Korean authorities, is renewing the focus on the horrors that prisoners face in the reclusive country's infamous torture camps.

Torture, originated from the Latin tortus meaning "twisted," is the act of deliberately inflicting physical or psychological pain on the victim in order to compel him or her to "confess" or to fulfill some desire of the torturer.

In South Korea, the death of Park Jong-chul, 21, a linguistic student at Seoul National University, caused by police torture in January, 1987, is still vivid in the memory of the people. The incident detonated the June Struggle or Democracy Movement five months later.

Such a dreadful word, torture, is popular on various social media, like Kakao Talk, of late.

A week ago, I found an SNS posting on my smartphone and I was frightened at first at the title of the article: "How to torture Koreans."

"Torture Koreans?' What a bizarre story?

Soon, I burst into laughter. The torture in the article meant a sort of harassment, passing off or annoying.

The story, a kind of joke, well describes the cultural traits and habits of our Koreans as an offensive guide to "pissing the people off." But it stings a little for it targets Koreans' die-hard bad habits.

The unknown writer suggests eight ways to "torture Koreans" whose trademark phrase is "ppalli, ppalli" meaning hurry up, hurry up or quickly, quickly.

On top of the list is "not to serve kimchi for ramyeon." Indeed, it is unthinkable to eat the instant noodle without kimchi.

Two of the eight ways are related to cell phone and Internet in a global power house of IT industry. South Korea is one of the most wired nations in the world, with the highest per capita broadband penetration.

One is to reduce the speed of Internet drastically by almost half and the other is to prohibit bringing a "hand phone" to the toilet for doing number two. Most of Korean netizens say that the two, if done, are a disaster that they can't allow at all.

The fourth is: To prohibit drinking a cup of coffee after lunch. Countless office workers returning to their workplaces with a portable cup of coffee in hand each, it's a common scene. An adult Korean drank 377 cups of coffee last year and the consumption is still increasing in a country with no coffee production.

The fifth is: To ban bus passengers from rising from their seats before the bus stops "completely." They must be busy because they have to be ready for getting off the bus.

The sixth is certainly to piss the drinkers off: To prohibit eating "samgyeopsal" or grilled pork belly while drinking. Ironically, it makes a sense a little. The consumption of the pork is decreasing these days for it is too fatty.

The seventh is: To prohibit slicking the lid of yogurt, though Koreans are a little economical.

The eighth is: To ban pressing the closing button at elevator before it closes automatically. Many people complain that closing buttons do not function these days, forcing them to wait until the door closes automatically.

And I asked many people to add to the list. There are many.

I suggested: Not to give microphone to "others" at "noraebang" or singing room. Many of the people must have an experience of being interrupted by companions while singing alone.

How about a practice of asking a woman: "Are you married?" or "How old are you?"

Others include: Not to allow subway passengers to walk or run on escalators. Most of them seem to be so busy to dash for transit. At department stores, few walk on escalators.

Many of these "jokes" are related to the "quick temper" of Koreans, represented by the trademark phrase of "ppalli, ppalli."

The term is like a coin.

The term is like coffee as French writer-statesman Charles Maurice de Tallyrand-Perigord (1754-1838) said: "Coffee is black as the devil, hot as hell, pure as an angel, sweet as the love."

It has been blamed often for having caused big accidents. In order to attain goals "quickly," principles, procedures and regulations have been neglected occasionally.

On the contrary. It is something more than just hastiness and saving time for busy Koreans, intensively goal-oriented under the "can-do" spirit, making Korea more energetic and dynamic.

Yet, we need to breathe a deep breath from time to time when we think we are busy. The posting pinpoints at our weak points and helps us to understand who we are.

P.S. Here is one final way to torture our esteemed politicians: to prohibit them from opposing their opponents' policies just for the sake of opposition.

Park Moo-jong is the Korea Times advisor. He served as the president-publisher of the nation's first English newspaper founded in 1950 from 2004 to 2014 after he served as a reporter of the daily since 1974. He can be reached at moojong@ktimes.com or emjei29@gmail.com