Women lives matter, Korea style

By Jason Lim

A young woman took a bathroom break from having a good time with her friends in a singing room located in the heart of Seoul’s fabled Gangnam District. A man in his thirties, with a history of mental illness, followed her inside and stabbed her to death. They had never met each other.

He had been lurking around the bathroom for the express purpose of killing a woman because he wanted to take revenge upon all women whom he felt had mistreated or undermined him in the past. The unfortunate victim just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

The outpourings of grief and reactions have been massive. A huge wall of post-it notes, flowers, and other items lined the walls along Exit 10 of Gangnam Subway Station, near where she was killed. It has become a collective “There go I if not for the grace of God” moment for many women who have always felt that Korea could be a dangerous and threatening place for them. After all, the only reason the victim was killed was because she was a woman.

This incident seemed to give voice to many women who expressed their anger and frustrations at the sexual discrimination, aggressiveness, and everyday indignities that they have to endure because they are women. And Korea’s patriarchal society’s seeming dismissal or even hostility of their concerns.

In an article titled, “What I wish men knew about that creepy guy at Starbucks,” Jessica Samakow writes about her and other women’s experiences with everyday sexual attention, including random passes, suggestive lines, and catcalls. “None of these incidents are the worst things that have ever happened, by any means. But put together, they’re indicative of a culture that allows men to feel entitled to women’s bodies. One that leads to men attacking, and even killing women for rejecting them… Here’s the thing: Women know with no uncertainty that a pass from a powerful man is never just that, a direction to “smile” from a stranger is never just that, and that eyes following us down a sidewalk could become more than just that in a moment. Starbucks man was no exception. He was the rule.”

This is essence of what the Korean women are collectively screaming about as a response to this horrific crime. They feel threatened and are scared, but men are not listening because they can’t really relate to a woman’s experience. Even worse, some men are reframing this issue as their own to push back.

Counterdemonstrators online and at Exit 10 have pushed back against what they see as women’s demonizing of all men. They claim that it’s unfair to generalize this crime committed by a mentally disturbed man to all Korean men. Others are even arguing that Korean men, who have to serve a mandatory military duty of two years, have a higher chance of getting killed and are disadvantaged professionally because of the forced conscription. Basically, this is the “we have it tougher than you” argument.

This moment was about women telling their collective stories of feeling vulnerable and threatened. It was supposed to be about the women. But it had to be about men.

In a way, this is similar to the criticism that the Black Lives Matter movement faced when critics replied with “White Lives Matter” or “All Lives Matter.” What the critics don’t understand is that the movement is not claiming that “Only Black Lives Matter.” Nor is the movement a wholesale accusation that all police are bad. This was a voicing of anger and frustrations that many Black American experiences with law enforcement are different from those of the majority or other demographics. Members of the movement want acknowledgement and validation that their experiences ― as well as the sense of vulnerability and fear ― are legitimate and worthy of being taken seriously to drive change for the better, instead of being dismissed as self-serving and delusional.

Similarly, Korean women are not saying that all Korean men are killers. But they do feel slighted, threatened, and scared by everyday interactions in which they are treated as sexual objects and made to feel vulnerable by men in everyday setting. This is not a uniquely Korean phenomenon, of course, but I would have to point out that a quick look at the World Economic Forum's gender gap index has Korea being ranked 117th, trailing behind United Arab Emirates and Qatar and coming just ahead of Nigeria.

Admittedly, the perpetrator is mentally ill and he doesn’t represent all Korean men. However, even mentally ill people are products of their society and culture that propagates prevailing attitudes about gender, authority, and entitlement. This killing seems to have tapped into something deeper that’s been simmering for a long time. Hopefully it will lead into a more constructive debate about gender equality in Korea.

Jason Lim is a Washington, D.C.-based expert on innovation, leadership and organizational culture. He has been writing for The Korea Times since 2006. Reach him at jasonlim@msn.com, facebook. com/jasonlimkoreatimes or @jasonlim2012.