Teach me to be generous

By Hyon O’Brien

“Teach Me to be Generous” is a book by Father Anthony Andreassi that just came out to commemorate the first 100 years of Regis High School, a Jesuit school for boys in Manhattan.

I was introduced to the book at a small dinner gathering in Miami with Regis alumni (my husband is a proud 1963 alumnus) when the current headmaster and the author were visiting the area. Established in 1914 by the generosity of a devout Catholic widow to educate Catholic boys, it has maintained its tuition-free, all scholarship tradition to this day.

I was intrigued by the title, which is the first line of a prayer by St. Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556), the founder of the Society of Jesus (Jesuits), a Spanish knight from a noble family turned priest and hermit.

The full text of the prayer of generosity goes like this: “Lord, teach me to be generous. Teach me to serve you as you deserve; to give and not to count the cost, to fight and not to heed the wounds, to toil and not to seek for rest, to labor and not to ask for reward, save that of knowing that I do your will.”

Two things from this prayer grabbed my attention; first one is “to give and not to count the cost.” I know this is one of the toughest challenges for me. This January, I had house guests for three weeks visiting from Korea. I noticed that I was totting up what I was spending the entire time they were with us. I was naturally embarrassed by this calculating behavior. I do want to give without counting the cost. And yet, it is very hard.

Countless people seem to be able to give without counting the cost. How does the spirit of generosity flow out without any care of its cost? How is it possible? Years ago I read a book called “The Hiding Place” by Corrie ten Boom (1892-1983). She recounts her family’s heroic rescue of Jewish people in the Netherlands during World War II.

The entire ten Boom family became active in the Dutch resistance, risking their lives in harboring those hunted by the Gestapo. Through these activities, it was estimated that the lives of more than 800 Jews were saved.

Ultimately the family was caught and sent to concentration camps and except for Corrie, her whole family died in the prison. The ten Boom family never counted the cost of doing the right thing and gave their lives in the process. Amazing generosity!

Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), a German theologian, martyr, writer and a pastor, is another good example of courage, integrity and spirit of generosity in giving his life for social justice.

He died in prison because of his outspokenness derived from his conviction and beliefs that the atrocities of Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party were evil, a crime against humanity. He strongly opposed Hitler’s euthanasia program and genocidal persecution of the Jews. His book, “The Cost of Discipleship,” deals with the price one pays for being a righteous Christian.

Raoul Wallenberg (1912-1944), a Swedish diplomat, risked his life saving tens and thousands of Hungarian Jews in Nazi-occupied Hungary. He rented over 30 buildings to house the refugees and started issuing Swedish passports to help Jews avoid deportation and death in concentration camps.

What prompted him to do that? Where did that courage come from? Didn’t he know that this rescue work would cost his life? The generosity we see every day is not so dramatic and life-threatening. I experience it all the time.

Some friends delivered home-cooked meals to us when I had shoulder surgery, another friend picked up groceries from a Korean supermarket. Another one offered to drive me places during my recovery period.

I swell with joy when somebody I’ve never met sends me an encouraging note after reading my column. Someone actually sat down to type up words of affirmation to a total stranger? It was almost 20 years ago that a library user sent a note to the library director commending me for the reference service I had rendered the previous week. Even now, I glow at the thought of the episode.

The power of generosity building up others lives on with many dividends. Taking the initiative at talking to a fellow traveler in airports, or smiling to passers-by while walking, or keeping the door open for those who struggle with parcels and strollers are all small gestures of a generous spirit that we can do every day.

The second point in the St. Ignatius Loyola’s prayer that makes me think is “to give and not to expect any rewards.” How do we do that?

We automatically (maybe subconsciously) anticipate that our acts of generosity, besides giving us good feelings, might return some reward to us from the grateful recipients.

We feel something is missing if this doesn’t materialize. One thing that helps me to set aside receiving rewards for my good deeds is to remember the saying that “the Dead Sea is dead because it continually receives and never gives.” I certainly do not want to become a dead sea. What a horrible state to be in!

The English Puritan John Bunyan put it bluntly: “You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.”

Hyon O’Brien is a former reference librarian now living in the United States. She can be reached at hyonobrien@gmail.com.