How long should we live?

By Michael McManus

I recently had a birthday. I received the usual happy wishes from family, friends and former students. Yet, it caused me to ask more serious questions than I have asked before.

How long should we live? How long should we try to live against the forces of aging? Is it worth the fight? Why do we fight? Are we just afraid of dying?

Events have led up to my asking these questions at age 68. Most of my best friends and mentors are or were older and died in their 80s. Many of my other friends are much younger than me and have most of the years ahead of them to live and thrive.

So I would like to explore this question with you. If you are older, you know the question. If you are young, you can just imagine your parents and how they are living.

On the one hand, we have some control of our longevity. We can stay healthy with diet and exercise and mostly modern medicine. On the other hand, we are not the boss. The Greeks have two words for “time.” One is “Chronos,” which is what we measure by our wristwatch and our earthly calendars. The other is “Chiros,” God’s time. It was also revealed, this mystery, in “Alice in Wonderland.” Alice asked the white rabbit, “How long is forever?” The white rabbit responded, “Sometimes, it can be one second.”

Many OECD advanced countries are dealing with the question, though it is not a politically correct one. To live longer and longer is a cost to society. Medical care costs alone can wipe out profits in terms of what many families have spent generations saving, and building a society that now seems to want back what they have accomplished. Longer life is also imperiled by the disintegration of the family. Children of today will be more protective of their own children than their parents. There are some breakthroughs on the horizon to extend life. Nano medicine itself will kill cancer or stop it in its tracks. Yet hospital and retirement homes are not looking at any breakthroughs. It is only spiraling costs. Elder care in America runs between $50,000 and $75,000 per year and forces many families to bear this cost if the elder parents cannot pay.

It is easy to say, you are as young as you feel, yet the years mount up, with the costs. Many employers require people to retire young. At 60, the system essentially says, “You are finished. Your social value is used up.” In my case I have been more useful to society with every year over 60. I have been fairly lucky so far. I only needed one knee replacement, and that was a breeze.

The questions get louder and more relevant now with each year. How long do I want to live? How long should we try to live? How old is “old enough.” Is it a human right or just a privilege to live as long as modern medicine can keep us alive? I have concluded that most people will try to live as long as they can, even with great pain and loneliness. It is something deep within the human soul to want to survive, thrive and enjoy. Yet, what we go through.

My mother died at 87 in great pain. She endured three hip replacements and Alzheimer’s at 84. My dad is still alive and thriving at 95. He has endured two major heart surgeries, lymphoma and a double knee replacement. He skied into his 80s and now, this year had to give up golf. When you are older than 90, it is much easier to shoot your age. He just created a blog and now wants to live to 100. Yet it seems for most of my family and friends, when we hit the 80s, things tend to wear out and we wear down. The admirable envy to live on and on inspires, yet it begs the question, “When should we accept our mortality and let God and life be the boss?” After all, it is very tiresome to spend most of your life fighting death.

A good friend is a Korean-American medical doctor trained at Yale. In his 80s, he still practices his profession on a few friends. He has seen his share of death. I look to him for wisdom. I asked him recently his thoughts on this question. Interesting response. He said he has seen too many people fight death beyond when they should.

So, pick a number. Think what may be a reasonable age. We should try not to be selfish about this. We cannot live forever. Think about living gratefully and gracefully to an acceptable age for you. The real truth is, we are not the boss, and it is not up to us. Remember what the white rabbit said to Alice, “Sometimes forever can be just one second.”

Michael McManus writes a bi-monthly op-ed piece for The Korea Times. He is a guest professor at three universities in Seoul, and welcomes comment. He can be reached at mcmismism@aol.com.