By Kim Jin-hyun
A few weeks ago, one of my students was absent without notice twice, so I called her guardian to visit our school.
As I questioned the student in front of him, she made various excuses for her absences.
As soon as she finished, her guardian tried to persuade her to adjust to school life by recounting a story from his own experience. But she didn't understand what he meant.
Through a three-way dialogue, I realized that even though one person talked sincerely, it proved to be useless because the target audience didn't accept what was said.
Nowadays, students don't listen to parents or teachers. Even if they do, they try to interpret what they hear to suit their own point of view rather than adapt to and learn from different situations. Therefore, it's difficult for teachers or parents to persuade students to understand and correct bad behavior.
I think that one of the main reasons behind the student’s attitudes is the tight daily schedules they have to follow, that turns them into study machines. Moreover, TV, the internet, and even smartphones prevent them from learning how to concentrate.
Korean people, especially baby boomers, also tend not to listen to, look at, or speak to anyone carefully, because they haven't practiced such social behaviors.
Even if a partner's message or information is distorted, they stick to it. For example the social priority attached to regionalism, school based relationships, are all linked to this behavior. Thus, a sea of information is created but it holds illusions that are a curse rather than knowledge to be treasured.
The reason that the guardian and the student didn't achieve desirable results through their dialogue was due to their deep-rooted ways of thinking- simple-mindedness versus close-mindedness.
Therefore, if any trouble develops between a man from the baby boomer generation and a student arises, it is natural that both reach uncomfortable conclusions.
People usually think that ``listening to" is just accepting the white noise of whatever is said, but I don't agree with this. Instead, anyone listening to another person talking must consider the emotions, expressions and situation of the person speaking more carefully.
Visit a temple near your hometown and observe the Buddha statue. His eyes look downward and he has long, big ears. Jesus said`` Their eyes are open but don't see a thing, Their ears are open but don't hear a thing.” (Luke 8:10)
These two figures were always concise. Moreover, they tried to listen to everyone or anything to the best of their ability. By retaining open-mindedness Buddha, even if he lived alone, taught his disciples lifelong lessons. Jesus associated with society’s outsiders such as the poor, the disabled, or widows and taught them how to live.
They applied their listening methods to everyday life, namely, by observing what kind of attitudes, emotions, and what kind of situations people think about and experience.
In those days, appearances, social position, or levels of scholarship were not considered as what defined a person. Rather, consideration, personality, and social values taught people what to do and how to live. The essence of life was to respect human beings by listening to what they said.
Thus, if adults want to change children or students, they should first feel and listen to what they are saying instead of admonishing them or only focusing on their education. In other words, whether they are bad or rude, whether they have a quick temper, or whether they are smart or dull, accept them as they are. By listening to them and talking sincerely with them, we can understand and accept them.
These are the starting points of having a good relationship with young people. The principal point is to listen carefully. From this, comes change.
The writer is an English teacher at Yeosu Girls’ High School in South Jeolla Province. His email address is shinykim60@hanmail.net.