Differences Between Us

By Ahn Byeong-wan

One may dream of a world where all the people are generally of one accord. However, to the contrary, you so often in your life have to deal with people who differ from your way of thought, with some such cases developing into discord too serious to be ironed out.

A simple countermeasure to these conflicts might be shunning people with different thoughts. But what if they are closely connected to your life, like your colleagues or even close family members? That may not be so easy an option.

So some people emphasize the importance of fostering friendly relationships whatever the circumstance. But it is not always feasible to hold on to outer relationships while internal disharmony rises.

I wonder if a decent first step to approach any hard disagreement is to try to understand the fundamental reason why there should be the gaps between people, which I think is because our views are generally conditioned by experiences that are so diverse because we are living in divergent societal and cultural environments.

You know there will be disagreements everywhere. This way, you will at least not be taken by surprise.

Indeed, even one's siblings, reared by the same parents, are very often found to maintain different thoughts because they have gone through different life experiences.

How different would most other people be, then, who are from so diverse personal, regional or societal backgrounds, not to mention their different inborn traits?

Moreover, if you take into account that we are living in volatile modern societies, where our living milieus and circumstances vary more than ever, you will see how serious the case can be.

Furthermore, we find things perceived differently because of our different points of view. Here is an illustrative example: When I was a young boy, I once took a special opportunity to climb up a hill across from my home village.

The view of my village from the hilltop was so different that I still remember it. In the same manner, it is said, if pictures are taken of our daily life with a camera fixed at the height of a toddler's eyesight, strangely overpowering kinds of images are observed.

Then, with so many possible different viewpoints, plus so many different things out there, it is no wonder there is such a wide disparity among us in the ways of seeing the world.

We should accept it is natural that our views diverge. Then you may find it easier to accept others' different thoughts as they are. In this globalized world perhaps the same may apply to any disagreements among nations or regions.

The idea might be extended to others' apparently wrongful attitudes toward us. We are very likely to take others' different views personally, especially if we find them interruptive with our view. Conflicts often arise from this kind of narrow-minded response to others' different views. Need we not be more tolerant of their differences and treat them more neutrally, attributing them to the given shape of their world?

When we can eliminate emotional elements from our relations in this way, it will make for desirable relationships with all people in which we can open up our hearts and concentrate on what we share with each other, while mutually recognizing each other's differences.

One good way to deal with such differences, in the meantime, might be an open discussion or fair competition to sort out their viability. The pros and cons for each standing would eventually reveal themselves, while there may be chances to get appraisal from reliable third parties.

One thing you should remember here is that if any weak points ever manifest themselves in your standing in these show-down processes, no matter what they are, you should be ready to admit them and adjust yourself.

For some differences, the winner may take a long time to come out. But if you really try, you will be able to maintain at least neutral relationships with those with different views, leaving the matter unsettled.

In this case, it will be necessary to abandon the idea that only you are right, and to take a more flexible and prudent stance.

It may not be rare, too, that a seemingly tangled confrontation turns out to be from multi-faceted aspects of things, which complementarily form the whole. Or one might simply be going a few steps ahead of the other in the changes of the world while both sides will benefit through fair competition.

Otherwise, it may still be that merely some small differences in our directions or priorities in life bring about all the rifts.

However diverse the world might be, should we not learn to accept it as it is and do what we can do with it?

The writer is a freelance writer based in the central city of Daejeon. He can be reached at bwahn-0@hanmail.net.