'Love doesn't have to be perfect': Insights from monk behind viral temple dating program

Venerable Myojang / Courtesy of Bulkwang Media

A Buddhist monk behind the popular temple stay dating program "I Am Jeollo" has advised young people to let go of the idea of finding a perfect partner, stressing that imperfect love can be the most beautiful.

"My hope is that people find a partner when both sides are a little imperfect," said Venerable Myojang, the planner of the program, in a recent press briefing. "If you keep wandering around trying to perfect yourself or looking for a flawless partner, time will just pass you by. Love doesn't have to be perfect to be meaningful."

A hit temple stay for singles

Myojang served as the head of the Jogye Order's Social Welfare Foundation, which has been hosting temple stay couple-matching programs since 2013. Inspired by the SBS reality show "I Am Solo," the program was rebranded to "I Am Jeollo" in 2023. Since then, the program has drawn huge interest among young adults seeking meaningful connections.

The upcoming session, set for Sept. 13 and 14 at Sinheungsa Temple in Sokcho, Gangwon Province, has recorded its highest application rate yet, with 2,620 applicants vying for just 24 spots.

Myojang recently released an essay collection, the Korean title of which translates to "Even if Someone Isn't Your Destiny, No One is Without One," drawing from his experiences with "I Am Jeollo" and sharing insights into love and relationships.

Lessons from success

At a book talk held on Sept. 1, Myojang said the program succeeded when it focused less on preaching and more on experience.

"In the early days, I gave long lectures on love and even woke people up at dawn for 108 prostrations," he said. "But I realized that no matter how good my advice was, it could sound like nagging. When I stopped trying to force messages on people, the program started doing better."

He stressed that relationships should not be forced. "Connections are revealed naturally, not manufactured," he said. "Young people were drawn to the program not just for dating or marriage but because it taught them to respect one another."

Participants of "I Am Jeollo" join Ven. Myojang during the temple stay dating program. Courtesy of Bulkwang Media

From a Buddhist perspective, Myojang explained, marriage partners are "spiritual companions" who walk the path of truth together. He advised participants to not limit themselves to romantic expectations, saying, "A good friend, mentor or colleague can also become an excellent partner on life's journey."

He added that timing matters. "You'll inevitably meet the people you're meant to meet, so don't rush," he said. "Love has its own timing, and if you fail to understand that, relationships can falter."

Myojang noted that people in their late 20s to early 30s often find it easier to form relationships because they are more open about their imperfections. "At that stage, people tend to accept that neither side is complete, so they plan a future together while filling in the gaps," he said.

However, he observed that finding partners becomes more challenging after the late 30s, despite higher career achievements. "I thought people would lower their standards and become more self-aware as they got older," he said. "But in reality, it often doesn’t work that way."

Embracing both joy and hardship

Myojang's book includes excerpts from his wedding officiant speeches. In one, he reminds couples that life will bring both happiness and hardship:

"Alongside joyful and fortunate moments, there will also be struggles and difficulties," he wrote. "I hope partners become reliable sources of support and shade for each other when times are tough."

Pushing for a modern Buddhism

Having recently moved from leading the Jogye Order's Social Welfare Foundation to serving as head of its planning office on Aug. 20, Myojang is also pushing for a more approachable Buddhism.

Known as a champion of "hip Buddhism," he has promoted initiatives like "Youth Meal Power," which offers free lunch programs to attract young people to temples.

"Korean Buddhism needs to evolve with the times," he said. "Just as the Buddha walked alongside the people, temples should walk with society."

Myojang also revealed that "I Am Jeollo" was originally conceived with older singles in mind. "People who became widowed or lived alone would often come to temples," he said. "I wanted to create a space where they could feel the warmth of family again."

This article from the Hankook Ilbo, the sister publication of The Korea Times, is translated by a generative AI system and edited by The Korea Times.