’Face your fear and you will change’

The story of Kwon Yul, winner of reality show ‘Survivor'

By Yun Suh-young

Most people tend to run from their fears and refuse to look at themselves objectively.

You may well sit back and let yourself be, complacently accepting who you are and never confronting your fears. But then the problem is you will never change.

Here’s a person who did just the opposite.

Kwon Yul, the first Asian American to win the American reality show “Survivor” and a warrior by name, says he did things that he was scared of.

“Because I was scared, I knew I had to do it,” said Kwon during an interview with The Korea Times, Wednesday, explaining why he had decided to participate in the TV program.

Kwon came to Korea for three days, invited by the Asan Institute for Policy Studies, to speak to university students. Under the theme, “The Korean American Dream: Finding Success in American Politics and Society,” Kwon spoke at Ulsan University and Yonsei University on Oct. 4 and 5 about how he overcame his difficulties and became a leader.

Kwon, who showed outstanding leadership on the reality show, said he wasn’t born a leader. He was far from outgoing or articulate. “I grew up struggling with social anxiety and was afraid of public speaking.”

Kwon said he had obsessive compulsive disorder and would wash his hands until they bled, was socially anxious and would sweat buckets until his clothes were drenched and was deeply depressed and isolated during his younger years.

But the turning point came when his brother’s friend committed suicide.

Kwon thought he had two choices ― either to follow the path of his brother’s friend or make a serious effort to change himself. Kwon chose the latter.

“I had nothing else to lose. You kind of get to the end of the road and you think to yourself it’s either change or there’s no point in going on. But emotionally it’s not easy. Trying meant I had to force myself to do the things that made me scared. Trying meant that I could fail. But I made up my mind that I would try.”

Kwon did it in small increments, making changes within himself little by little.

“I wrote down a list of all the things that made me scared and all the goals for the kind of person I wanted to be and how that person would act differently in specific situations. I started using this approach to push myself out of the comfort zone,” he said.

“Starting is difficult but once you start, you get into this virtuous cycle where success breeds confidence which in turn breeds success.”

The reason he decided to do the reality show was also to overcome his fears.

“The show was a once in a lifetime opportunity to change the image of Koreans, to try to break the stereotype and I thought it could be the ultimate test of my leadership and social skills,” he said. “But the most important reason I did it was because I was scared. I felt that God was putting me to the biggest test in my life and if I gave up now, I would still be that scared little boy who didn’t have the courage to leave his home.”

Kwon is a graduate of Stanford University and Yale Law School and has had diverse careers. He was a legislative aide to U.S. Senator Joseph Lieberman, and has worked at McKinsey and Google before winning the CBS reality show in 2006.

He then became the Deputy Chief of the Consumer and Governmental Affairs Bureau at the Federal Communications Commission and is now an anchor for LinkAsia, LinkTV’s weekly news program. He is also a host of America Revealed, a new PBS series, which will air next February.

Kwon is also writing a book on leadership which focuses on his own journey of how he changed himself.

Asked how he became so articulate, Kwon said it’s something he really worked at.

“My natural inclination is to draw inward so if I don’t keep pushing myself, if I don’t keep doing things like this, after a while it becomes harder,” said Kwon. “I still tend to talk really fast and I mumble ― it’s like a lifelong habit. I have to consciously change the way I speak.”

Having overcome so many fears, is he still scared of things?

“I’m scared of lots of stuff. By nature I’m fearful. But I know that I’ve gone through difficult challenges and I know that I got through it okay so it gives me comfort. Even today, I get really nervous before I go up to speak to people. It never fully goes away. But I know that I can do it so that gives me confidence.”

Kwon Yul was named after a great general of the Joseon Kingdom in the 16th century.

“It’s funny because my middle name is Julius. My parents must have wanted me to become a global military conqueror. Yul, Julius. Maybe that’s why I felt so inadequate growing up.”

He may not think so, but in the public’s eye, Kwon Yul was not just a warrior by name. He was a true conqueror of the most difficult war ― a war with his own fears.