Unexpected reactions confounding

Jon Rabiroff’s son is admired by a couple of waitresses recently as he sits with his father along a busy Itaewon walkway. / Courtesy of Jon Rabiroff

By Jon Rabiroff

As I sat outside an Itaewon bar recently drinking a beer with one hand as I held my 3-month-old son in my lap with the other, I braced for what I was sure would ― finally ― be my first exposure to the insensitive, inappropriate and obnoxious comments I have been expecting from strangers about the gap in our ages.

As a first-time father, I am hardly sensitive ― heck, I’m proud ― that I look every bit the 55-year-old that I am, with my mostly bald head, graying temples, soft midsection and knees that sound like a bowl of just-milked Rice Krispies when I bend them.

But, when my significantly younger wife got pregnant a year or so ago, I knew not everyone would embrace the sight of a father and son from extreme ends of the Benjamin Button spectrum.

And, if they did not take offense to the perceived selfishness of a middle-aged man just starting down the road of fatherhood, surely there were going to be well-meaning people who were going to mistakenly drop references to my “grandson,” or how nice it was for the boy to spend quality time with his “grandpappy.”

But, much like that classic scene from “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” ― when the mean green guy listens for the sounds of trauma from the ransacked village below only to hear people singing instead ― I too have found myself listening for the sounds of snarky that have never materialized.

In fact, thanks to my cute and usually well-behaved baby, I have gotten a pretty good glimpse into what life must be like for Kim Yu-na or K-pop stars when they venture out in public here. As I sat with my baby along a busy walkway off the main road through Itaewon, passersby gasped, pointed, shrieked with joy and stared at my boy. And those were just the ones who did not take things to the next level by stopping to coo, wave, touch my son’s feet, click their tongues to get his attention or ask me how old he was.

You would think they had never seen an incredibly good-looking baby before.

But, of the dozens who reacted to the sight of me and my son that day, not one asked anything about my age, or cast a quizzical look at the father and son with more than a half-century between birthdates. The same can be said for the many other times me and my baby boy have been out in public in the first 14 weeks of his life.

My expectations for inappropriate comments were based on a lifetime of experiences. Over the decades before my son came along, I had seen countless instances of how some people abuse the idea that it takes a village to raise a child, and instead prompt parents to think to themselves, or say out loud, that the village should mind its own damn business. There have been strangers asking parents if their children should be dressed more warmly, or wondering why the little ones are not in school today, or talking loud enough to be heard about how they would discipline such an unruly child, etc.

So, why have I gotten a free pass thus far when it comes to being a middle-aged, first-time father? Is this just happenstance, or might there be some deep sociological explanation for society’s ― or at least Seoul’s ― acceptance of grandparent-age fathers?

The only thing I can come up with is that, perhaps, this has something to do with the fact that people are waiting a lot longer these days in Korea, and many other places around the world, to get married and have children.

Perhaps that’s why the sight of a baby sitting in the lap of a somewhat mature father is not quite as unusual as it used to be.

Jon Rabiroff is a copy editor at The Korea Times who writes an occasional column about his experiences as a father for the first time at the age of 55.