Relocating to Korea

Dear Dr. P,

I currently live in the United States and I am getting married. My husband is currently working in Korea. I am hoping to start our married life together in Korea. I have a concern and would like to know if you are someone that can help me.

I have bipolar disorder and take good care of myself, including taking medication. I see my doctor regularly and am concerned that finding a doctor that will allow me to keep me on my current medication regime will be a problem. I can’t afford to change my medication as it is working so well.

Of course I also need to be comfortable enough to trust my new psychiatrist to make any necessary changes if needed. I noticed on your website you deal with quite a few different types of issues but I didn’t see anything about mental disorders. If you aren’t someone that would take on a patient like me, any other recommendation would be greatly appreciated. I don’t speak any Korean. Hopefully that will change in time.

Thank you for your time.

Dear sender,

First off, I must congratulate you on your marriage. I also admire that you have been taking care of yourself very well, taking medication. Actually the bipolar affective disorder has a favorable prognosis if you manage it carefully and you can maintain a normal life through it.

Nevertheless it is true that you cannot help worrying about the follow-up treatment in an unfamiliar foreign country, being separated from your regular doctor. But you don’t have to worry about it too much. Nowadays, it is possible to get the majority of medicines in the United States here in Korea too.

When you come to Korea, please bring the list of the medicine you are taking and a statement from your doctor. I believe that you can get the same treatment as in the United States if you show it to psychiatrists in Korea. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any communication difficulties with the Korean doctors because of the language barrier.

I wish you the best of luck.

Iread your column in the Korea Times today with interest and also with some alarm.

You had a letter from a Korean woman living in the United States who reported having some problems with her visiting mother-in-law. The headline over your column was “Living with monster-in law,” but at no point did the writer suggest that her mother-in-law was any kind of Frankenstein creation. On the contrary, she mentioned that “she has been very helpful around the house.” I imagine this atrocious headline was not of your making — perhaps you could speak to The Korea Times editor and ask for more intelligent and sensitive sub-editing of your column.

The problem reported was about the mother-in-law’s apparent lack of concern for cleanliness and hygiene.

I think that you may have seriously misunderstood her letter at one point. You say, “I am relieved to hear that your mother-in law . . . will be leaving soon in June.” Is that so? What in fact the writer said was, “. . . I just want him [my husband] to tell me that she will only be here until June . . . “ It’s not at all clear from this that mother-in-law is guaranteed to leave in June, or that the husband has yet givena promise or assurance that she will do so. It could well be that her stay is open-ended.

You have responded to someone who is simply bothered about her mother-in-law. When I read the letter, I read it as coming from someone who is far more angry and worried about her husband, who, she says, “doesn’t want to hear” about her concerns, and in response, can only say, “What do you want me to do?” The mother-in-law will certainly be gone sooner or later, but the husband is going to be around long after he has (at least on the evidence of the letter) meekly abdicated his position as head of his household.

Your advice to this woman, in a word, was “Endure.” When I first had encounters with Koreans, back in the 1980s, I often heard it said, “Korean women must endure.” Isn’t it sad that after a quarter of a century, and with all the benefits and insights of modern psychiatry, you cannot offer something a little bit better than that? Yours sincerely,

A reader from Uiwang, Gyeonggi-do

Dear reader,

Hi, I really appreciate your deep concern and comment on my column, and I think it makes sense. Especially, your suggestion about the communication problem with her husband.

Actually, the title of that letter that the reader sent was originally “Living with Monster-in-Law and hating every second”; I think the editor wanted to use the original title of the sender.

It could be the best for her and her husband to get couple therapy from an expert since it is true that there is a limited space to give advice though a newspaper column. I have been trying to do my best to help my readers as best as I can.

My column is open to everybody, and I welcome any suggestions or questions.

Please feel free to comment on the column.

Sincerely yours,

Dr. P

Dr. Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates personal therapist forums on www.lifeinkorea.com. Please submit questions for him, either in English or in Korean, to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 02-563-0678. Those who have their questions selected will be presented with a copy of his book “Finding Yourself within Love” (Korean e-Book).