Hello Dr. P,
I am an American woman (I am half Mexican, half American), I am the only daughter (in Mexico, the youngest daughter takes responsibility), and have assumed full time responsibility for my elderly father and now my grandmother. I come from a lower-middle class, hard-working family, but I am the first to pursue college and to become a professional. With a bit of my history laid out, can you please give me some tips on meeting my Korean boyfriend’s mother and sister?
He has lived in the United States since he was three, so he is very Americanized. However, his sister married a Korean man, and his mother expects him to marry a Korean woman. He has told me that his mother is a very sweet woman, and that initially she may be cold towards me, but would "warm" up after she got to know me. I am scared! I know the obvious things such as respect, and good behavior and manners in American standards.
Can you please give me some tips that would help this Korean mother’s heart be at ease about me? I want to show her that I care for her son as much as any Korean woman would, and have a great respect for their culture. Help!
Best regards.
Anonymous
Dear anonymous, First of all, I highly regard your hard efforts and attitude through difficult times. On that note, if you should remember to uphold such a position throughout any crises or obstacles that come your way, I believe that you will overcome them all easily. Currently, it seems as though you are feeling a great sense of responsibility in taking care of your parents. It would be very helpful if your boyfriend’s mother could also feel such emotions. I say this because in Korea, in-laws often become dependent on their daughter-in-law. Despite ethnic differences, there are many instances in which people communicate and understand each other based purely on emotions. If you should truly come to love and respect your boyfriend’s mother, I think such emotions and feelings can be transmitted towards you as well. Meanwhile, I think that it is also necessary for you to talk to your boyfriend about his mother. It is also important to find out what your boyfriend wants as well. Although it is important to be on his mother’s good side, there is nothing more significant than your relationship with your boyfriend. I believe that his mother will also want the two of you to live happily as well. I wish you the best in the future.
Dear Dr. P,
I am from China, and I was told by a Korean coworker about the dangers of leaving electric fans running while sleeping. He warned me this can result in death. Although he wasn’t clear on the reason why this happens, he cited several cases of related events in Korea.
I am quite distressed about this. Indeed, this fear is starting to manifest itself in lack of sleep, tiredness, heavy drinking and poor job performance.
I would like to ask your professional opinion regarding what safety precautions should be taken to avoid problems. Does this apply to AC units? Are there certain fan models that I should avoid? Thank you very much for your time and wisdom.
Dear sender, Since the beginning of the autumn, a cool breeze is blowing outside. I wonder that you need to turn on a heater instead of turning on a fan. In the past, there have been reports involving death while sleeping in a room with a fan, but there is no need to worry, as no scientific evidence has ever suggested that there is danger tied to the fan itself. I think it is critical for you to uncover the core reasons behind your insomnia, heavy drinking and poor job performance. Perhaps you are reacting to the stress of being in a new country. We call this kind of phenomenon “displacement” in psychological term - you may displace your anxiety to the fear of the fan. I recommend you focus on your emotional health and if necessary, seek out the help of a professional. Discard that fear of fans if possible – at least till next summer! Thank you.
Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates the personal therapist forums on www.lifeinkorea.com. Please submit questions for Park to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 02-563-0678.