Dear Dr. P,
Recently, I met this Korean guy on the web while I was searching for a Korean pen-pal. We progressed from friend to good friends shortly. We get along very well and we show concern for each other. We had our photographs exchanged. All this while, he has been very truthful, friendly and gentle. We have interest in each other. But, it seems very difficult to start a relationship.
We have a lot of differences in terms of language, culture, etc. He is 27 years old and I am 23. He is the eldest son in the family. I am not sure if he has got a girlfriend because it seems like he never talks about her. I assumed that he doesn't have one. I am a little confused about my feelings.
I think I treated him more than a foreign friend. I seem to be hoping for a relationship. How should I start this relationship? I never had a relationship before. Hence, I am worried that I will hurt myself. I am unsure about his feelings towards me as well. I am willing to give it a try even though we have great differences. Doctor, I need your advice. Many Thanks.
I think it may be better for you to start it casually when you are in a pen-pal relationship. If the relationship gets too serious from the beginning, you two may feel burdened afterwards.
First off, try to accept the cultural difference. Though you come from different backgrounds, it will be a good opportunity to understand each other’s language and culture. Getting to know new culture and language is one of the best advantages of pen-pal relationship.
Start from easy things first. For example, my Korean acquaintance exchanges small gifts like DVDs and books with his pen-pal friend. It will be nice to understand each other while sharing your mutual interests. Skype will be an ideal way for you two to communicate with each other, so use all the methods you can to further develop your relationship.
I will end this message with the popular Chinese proverb. “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” Good luck!
I am an African-American and my husband is Caucasian. In all seriousness, is that going to be a problem in your country? Also, I am being considered for a teaching position in Korea (English Teacher) ― my resume is impressive, also, I am currently tutoring Korean adults and students in English "over" the telephone. Thus no jugdements because they cannot see me. I speak well and articulately. Therefore, I do not "SOUND" Black!!! Once I send a picture ― will judgements be passed and then possibly no job offer??? It's a real issue - and since I come from a country where the issue of "race" is still prevalent I need to know if it is going to be a problem in Korea too!!! Please be "brutally" honest. Possibly living that far from home ― I do not want any horrible surprises! Dr. P, thank you for your time and attention to my concern.
There are few African Americans who visit my clinic worrying about the same issue. For example, one of my patients said that some Korean people show negative attitude toward him when he is dating with a Korean girl. I believe the situation will be less tough for you, however, since Koreans are usually more generous to women.
To be honest, it is true that Koreans, especially the ones from rural areas, are racially prejudiced against South Asians and Africans. Therefore, I recommend you to get a job near Seoul, if you want to avoid such discrimination.
Still, I think the most important thing is how you treat other Korean people, not how Koreans treat you. If you try to be kind to them and try to make good relationships, they will quickly recognize it and accept you. I believe every human relationship is interrelated in some ways. Try to cultivate your pride in yourself, and ignore arrogant attitudes of strangers. Make as many Korean friends as you can. Maintaining good relationships with those friends will be very helpful for you to overcome racial discriminations.
Park Jin-seung is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates a personal therapist forum on www.lifeinkorea.com. For counseling, please submit your questions to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 02-563-0678.