I am a 25-year-old American woman with a Korean boyfriend that I love very much and am currently willing to extend another year here in Korea to be with him. We live together and have talked about marriage. The main problem I have now is that I have to sacrifice a lot to be with him. I have to give up finishing my master’s, and leave the American life that I love. I just don't see myself ultimately settling in Korea.
I appreciate the culture, but I hated my ``hagwon” experience. It seems that foreigners are really limited in jobs here and are always “outsiders.” I'm already sick and tired of the way I am treated as a foreigner by strangers. I am happy when I am with my boyfriend and I am afraid that my resistance to living in Korea is going to affect our relationship.
He makes very little money, so I am interested in traveling visas. Should I stay with him here on the sole emotion of "love?”
I feel that I should pursue my college degree and get on with a successful American life but I can't imagine life without my boyfriend. Can you give me some tips to make my life around Korea more enjoyable?
I would like to recommend two ways of solving your problems. The first is trying to accept the present reality. It is difficult for everybody to get used to new surroundings. The majority of the foreigners may feel the same in Korea. Fortunately, you have a boyfriend you really love. Now that you cannot help staying in Korea for a while, try to enjoy it as much as possible. Try to make close Korean friends and enjoy traveling together with them.
Another way is to help your boyfriend grow. Teach him English and help him gain the ability to survive in the U.S. The visa issue will be resolved if you decide to marry him in the future.
Thank God that you are not in the irresistible environment of “Romeo and Juliet.” I believe that you can deal with this issue by cooperating with each other.
I have been reading your corner and must say I am impressed by your thoughtful advice. On a more serious note, however, I must say that I have been having increasingly instances of negative feelings towards certain Koreans living here in America. As an American who has grown up and lived here all of my life I have grown accustomed to the American way of life and sometimes have trouble understanding other culture's ways of life or understanding.
What is of particular concern to me is that more Koreans are coming into America with the desire of living here and creating a life for themselves but with the wrong or bad intentions.
I myself have had one Korean friend who was a particularly nice individual and the cultural barriers are the only thing that cut into the friendship somewhat. Therefore, I would like to know from your perspective (I feel you have good insight into Korean culture and understanding) how can I deal with these feelings of anger and negativity towards the bad Koreans coming into America, who wish to turn it into their own country with total disregard to the native inhabitants and the impacts of their behavior towards others!
Thank you so much for your honest question.
I believe that your negative feelings on the issue have a firm basis to some degree. However, I must say that it is a problem for you to feel so negatively towards immigrants.
Have you ever experienced living in a foreign country? To tell you the truth, one of the reasons I established this corner was to help foreigners in Korea who were having a hard time adapting to living in this country. The foreigners I've met here have also had a hard time fitting in and adapting.
But, as time passed, they were impressed and touched by the friendliness of Koreans. They told me that their friendliness was a huge help for them to become accustomed to living in a foreign country.
On that note, rather than criticizing Koreans suffering in the United States, perhaps you might want to try to understand how hard it must be for them. Not only in cases of cultural barriers but in everyday interpersonal relationships, an attitude of empathy and sympathy must be had. If you can do that, your future will be a bright one.
Park Jin-seung is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates a personal therapist forum on www.lifeinkorea.com. For counceling, please submit your questions to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 02-563-0678.