Fight for independence with love and patience

Dear Dr P,

I’m a 24-year-old Korean living at home in Australia. My family just became aware of my Sri Lankan boyfriend, who I have been secretly seeing for a long time. We intended to marry within the next few years, once we have become settled into our jobs. We are both in our final year of medical school and will not be financially solvent for a while.

As expected, my family is strongly opposed to this relationship and has threatened to disown me if I continue. My mother believes it will be the end of my reputation within the Korean community and that it is a matter of “life and death”. For the time being, my partner and I have ended our relationship, with the intention to start publicly dating again next year.

I am torn between my love for this man and feelings of guilt for betraying and disobeying my family. I feel that if I give up this relationship I may be reasonably comfortable in a relationship with someone my parents will approve of, but am afraid that I will be settling for less, and that I will miss out on a truly wonderful life.

We love each other for our weaknesses as well as our faults, and would do anything to make the other person happy, even if it meant letting them go to be with someone else. If I do stay with him, I am afraid that my life will be haunted by feelings of guilt and regret at leaving my family. They want me to be happy but are blinded by deep-down prejudices and a need to remain respected by other Korean families here.

I know this is a decision only I can make but I was hoping you could give some advice as to how I should think about things.

DEAR SENDER, I see that you are facing a difficult decision in front of you. If you choose your boyfriend, you will disappoint your parents; if you choose your parents, you will suffer from losing your beloved. As far as I am concerned, there are some requirements that need to be met in order to achieve your love and make a happy family together with your love. The most important thing is that you have to be two grown-ups who can make living on your own. If you are socially financially and physically dependent on your parents and still choose to get married, it will bring about many agonies in the future. I’d like to advise you to keep on your relationship with your boyfriend, but at the same time delay your plan to get married. According to my own experience, love of life is never late. You can put effort into your study, and make your decision after you become socially and financially independent. I know how painful such an experience is, but I hope you make a wise decision that would not hurt anyone including you. Wish you all the best in your future!

I’m a medical student who studies in Europe, I’m not a Korean, but I’m very interested in Korean culture, and wish to practice medicine in Korea.

I’m wondering if it’s possible for me to get medical training in Korean hospitals after I graduate?

I think it will be a great help if I get familiar to the system sooner .So what are the steps? Is there any requirement?

And as I know if a foreigner wants to obtain Korean medical license, we have to take preliminary test in Korean.

Language is not a problem, I’m willing to spend time learning Korean.

But is there any more information that I can find about applying and training in Korea?

Also about the preliminary test and Korean medical licenses exam for foreigner?

I’ve been searching a lot on the web but there is not very much information.

DEAR SENDER, If foreigners want to achieve Korean medical licenses, you have to take a national medical exam just like Korean medical students. But since there is no preliminary test for foreigners in Korea, you have to take it in Korean. I assume, thereby, unless your linguistic level in Korean is proficient as Korean medical students, passing the exam must be a bit tough for foreigners. Korea is fast growing and stepping on globalization quickly nowadays so in the future, there must be some changes in the medical field, too. However, I am unsure about when this is going to happen. I guess if you get your license in the foreign countries, it might be much easier for you to be hired by specialized foreign hospitals in Korea.

Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates the personal therapist forums on www.lifeinkorea.com. Please submit questions for Park to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 1588-4276.