Dear Dr.P,
My son is five months old. Ever since he was born, I have felt overwhelmed, fatigued; I don't want to do anything. My husband lost his job, so we're broke. His parents sold the only chance I had at having a car.
I can't keep up with my housework. I'm just exhausted, down in the dumps all the time. It's always one thing after another. All my friends are treating me poorly and I feel worthless and hopeless. The only thing that keeps me going everyday is my son. Please help me. (CaelsMom)
Dear. CaelsMom
Even in healthy women, there are many cases in which women experience depression or anxiety after giving birth. On top of that, your husband's professional career has hit a slump and your in-laws aren't being very helpful, so I can just imagine how painful this time is for you. You are suffering from depression, and this can be a torturous and suffering period.
Especially in this case of postpartum depression, things can take a dangerous turn.
On that note, I strongly recommend you seek professional help. I understand that it is financially difficult for you at the moment, but you must consult a psychiatrist and let out all your emotions, and receive medications to reduce the depression if necessary. Not only are you experiencing depression, but you are also feeling little or no self-worth, and also that your friends do not like you. These symptoms or feelings, if left alone, will only make life harder for you in the long run.
Is there anyone in your life who can help you out? If your husband nor your in-laws can be of any help, what about your own parents or any siblings? If not, maybe there is a close friend that you can talk to and ask for help.
You will have to make an effort on your part. This negativity will not be beneficial to your baby. If you are really living for your son as you say, then I think that you need to really try to see the ray of hope and to attempt to live a healthy life. If you are part of any religion, then I recommend conferring with an authority figure, such as a pastor or a monk.
Psychologically, there are many cases in which depression occurs because people have a hard time managing and dealing with feelings of serious hostility and anger. Instead of just holding in all your anger and bottling up your emotions, express them and identify the problem so that you can find the solution.
Dear Dr. P,
I am a Canadian woman who does not drink due to health reasons. Since moving to Korea, I tried to make the case that I would still like to go out and socialize with the other Korean and foreign teachers, but they cannot seem to get past my 'I cannot drink' stance. Do you have any suggestions for someone who wants to go and meet people in this culture without being prejudged for a reluctance to drink?
Thanks,
(Sam)
Dear Sam
It is true that Korean society is marked by rather high alcohol consumption.
A famous Korean writer wrote a novel entitled “The Society Offering Liquor”, which clearly portrays the reality of alcohol over-consumption in Korea.
However, there are some positive aspects to this cultural tendency that counterbalance the negative ones. Many Koreans enjoy drinking together with friends or colleagues. They drink in good cheer to release their stress and to enhance their human relationship through social drinking which allows them to be less inhibited.
If you want to join an evening out without feeling discriminated against for not drinking, you should first accept these positive aspects of why your friends drink. Of course I am not suggesting that you should drink with them. My point is that you can indeed go along for the ride with your friends even if you don’t drink alcoholic beverages.
In my case, I pour some coke or some other soft drink into a glass and drink it together with my friends when they toast with a glass of beer. There will be no problem in being accepted by the group as long as you adjust yourself to the convivial atmosphere.
Thank you,
Dr. P.
Park Jin-seng is a psychiatrist who runs a clinic for foreigners in Seoul and operates the personal therapist forums on www.lifeinkorea.com. Please submit questions for Park to mdoctor@korea.com or call the hotline at 1588-4276.