German author reflects on kindness, loss and caring for aging parents

Visitors browse books in front of the German Pavilion at the 2026 Seoul International Book Fair at Coex in Seoul, Thursday. Korea Times photo by Anna J. Park

German author Volker Kitz met readers in Seoul Thursday, during the 2026 Seoul International Book Fair, sharing the deeply personal story behind his Der Spiegel bestseller "Aging Parents: On Caretaking and the Time We Have Left" — a direct translation from its German title — newly published in Korea under the title "I Decided to Be Kind to You Until the End."

Invited by the German Embassy in Korea and Korean publisher Gimmyoung, it was Kitz 's first visit to Korea. The Berlin-based writer, lawyer and columnist has authored 10 books, with "The Laws of the Mind" selling more than 100,000 copies in Korea.

The latest book draws on Kitz's experience caring for his father, who lived with dementia. Introducing the event, a Gimmyoung editor said the book initially appeared to be about aging parents and caregiving, but ultimately revealed itself to be a meditation on kindness.

“Although we cannot stop our parents from growing old or stop time itself, what we can choose is our attitude,” the editor said. “And in this book, that attitude is kindness.”

German author Volker Kitz speaks during a book talk session at the German Pavilion at the 2026 Seoul International Book Fair at Coex in Seoul, Thursday. Korea Times photo by Anna J. Park

Kitz opened the event by reciting the book's first chapter in German, before recalling the guilt he felt after moving his father into what his family deliberately called a “residence,” rather than a nursing home. He said he had delayed the decision until his father could no longer manage daily life and afterward tried to ease his guilt by visiting him as often as possible.

Reflecting on his fear of losing his father, Kitz recounted two experiences that fundamentally shaped his understanding of life's final moments. While studying law at New York University in 2001, he repeatedly postponed visiting a famous bar on the 109th floor of the World Trade Center, believing there would always be another opportunity. Before he ever made it there, the Sept. 11, 2001 terrorist attacks destroyed the towers. Two-and-a-half years later, his mother left home one ordinary morning and never returned, dying suddenly in a car accident.

“These two experiences had already shown me that last times approach silently,” he said. “You suspect nothing, and the next day you realize that was the last time.”

Those experiences left him living in constant fear that each visit with his father might be their last, or that his father might one day no longer recognize him. Eventually, however, he remembered advice from a religion teacher who had once told him that conflict is an inevitable part of family relationships.

“We are all human, and conflicts happen,” Kitz said. “So I decided to create as many good moments as I could and not worry too much about the exact random moment life stops.”

German author Volker Kitz speaks during the book talk session at the German Pavilion at the 2026 Seoul International Book Fair at Coex in Seoul, Thursday. Korea Times photo by Anna J. Park

Kitz noted he deliberately began writing the book while his father was still alive, believing that any insights gained through the writing process could still strengthen their relationship.

“Writing the story for me was a kind of relationship work among the living,” he said.

He said writing helped him organize memories that had previously felt scattered, transforming a blank page into a coherent narrative while also revealing which moments truly mattered. Although the book began as a deeply personal account, readers from around the world later told him they felt as though they were reading their own family story.

“When a story that is so personal and individual is, at the same time, so universal that it touches others, that is a very moving moment for a writer,” he said.