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By Min Seong-jae
Korea has the world's lowest fertility rate, at just 0.78 births per woman in 2022. The country also exhibits one of the world's lowest marriage rates and it only seems to be decreasing each year. Simply put, young Koreans do not get married and have babies. Many of them do not even date.
There is a myriad of reasons why Koreans do not get married. Experts suggest a high cost of living is a major barrier to marriage and family life. Other factors include changing gender roles, with many Korean women today prioritizing their careers and independence over marriage; the super competitive work culture of Korea that leaves little time for dating or family, and other aspects of personal life; and lack of governmental and social support for mothers. The list goes on.
I would like to add another reason why Koreans do not get married, more of a cultural and psychological one: Social media and social comparison. Social media today often portrays idealized versions of marriage and relationships, which can lead to unrealistic expectations and a fear of lagging behind, discouraging some individuals from tying the knot.
Before the prevalence of mass and social media, people grew up in relatively small villages and towns, went to schools with neighbors, and engaged in face-to-face interactions with a limited number of people. They married someone they knew from their peer groups, schools, neighborhoods, churches, or through family connections.
But today, the media, especially via social media, offer an endless stream of beautiful ladies adorned with luxurious goods, rich hunks with expensive sports cars, and happily married couples with cute babies in swanky houses.
At the fingertips of social media users lie thousands of potential partners and the upper-class lifestyle that they dream of and compare their own lives with. The fact is that those are curated, illusionary pieces of life. Yet we still dream of them and set our life standards for them. As long as there are so many fancy choices available, whether they are real or not, it gets difficult to be satisfied with your current partner and life. Why would you want to get married and have babies if you feel your own life doesn't measure up?
Psychologist Barry Schwartz argued that an abundance of choices often leads to a feeling of constant comparison, second-guessing, and regret over the choices made. He said the existence of multiple alternatives makes it easy for us to imagine alternatives that don't exist, and to the extent that we engage our imaginations in this way, we will be even less satisfied with the choices we end up making. For example, dozens of different kinds of peanut butter jars in a supermarket overwhelm consumers and make them indecisive. That's exactly what's happening in the world of social media. We are in a constant state of comparison with others. Actually, it gets worse in the social media universe because many social media photos are fake, whereas peanut butter in supermarkets is real. We are duped by imaginary choices.
What accelerates the influence of social media is Koreans' cultural tendency toward collectivism. At the risk of stereotyping, I would say we Koreans have a stronger desire to fit into groups or certain standards. Many Koreans need to belong to a group, maintain good relationships with others and receive recognition. As such, the power of social media may grow more as Koreans, who like to monitor themselves so that they can "fit in" better with higher social groups and standards, can do so. Go to Instagram and type Korean hashtags like "proposal," "wedding," and "marriage," and you will see hundreds of thousands of photos with posh hotel proposals, Chanel bags and Gucci pendants.
Providing more governmental support to ease the economic difficulties associated with married life will definitely help. But if we became a slave to social comparison and group pressure, marriage will remain an unattractive enterprise, thereby continuing to lower the country's marriage rate.
Min Seong-jae is a professor of communication and media studies at Pace University, New York City. He is a 2023-24 Fulbright U.S. Scholar to Korea.
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