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I have a soft spot for coffee mugs. I suppose it comes from my instinct to keep a memory of places I visit while at the same time being practical and getting something useful.
A while ago, after a chamber music concert at Trinity Cathedral in downtown Miami, I went into the gift shop and couldn't resist a mug with three messages written on it: "Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Much!" I now use this mug almost every day for my morning coffee.
I couldn't find a clear source for this. The closest thing I came across is by a Kansan, Bessie Anderson Stanley (1879-1952), for a magazine contest in 1904 that asked readers for a 100-word essay on "What is Success?"
She won first prize with a prose poem that begins: "He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much."
What does it mean to "live well"?
I am currently reading a book called "Flourish" by Martin E.P. Seligman, a professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania working on positive psychology. This book builds on Seligman's work on optimism, motivation and character to show how to get the most out of life.
In the book, he unveils his theory of what makes a good life, talking about five elements that he says will increase one's sense of well-being. I list here five aspects that Seligman pointed out as vital components for our well-being as they struck me as useful for building a well-lived life.
Positive emotion: Being positive enhances our well-being and increases our enthusiasm. To help others to maintain positive emotion, Seligman suggests that we need to give five affirmative remarks for every one negative one. We seem to be very fragile creatures when it comes to getting feedback.
Engagement: When we are engrossed in something intensely, we are engaged in that activity to the fullest and no depression or negative outlook can steal the sense of well-being that is generated by our engagement. Are you in a job or task that totally engages you?
Over Christmas, I saw what that looks like as I witnessed our seven-year-old grandson's unusual focus and concentration as he put together Lego construction kits from hundreds of tiny pieces.
He stayed at it, leaving only for bathroom breaks, following the detailed instructions to assemble the pieces spread out across the table, until he completed his Star Wars attack cruiser. He was totally absorbed in his task and nothing else existed for him. He looked so happy.
These days at my weekly ceramics class, I spend three or four hours working on a piece without talking to my fellow potters. I feel totally content, just working on my pot, lacking nothing, desiring nothing; absolute engagement.
Relationships: When we have good relationships with all the people that matter to us, we are living well.
Any broken relationship robs us of the sense of peace and wellbeing and needs to be mended if we hope for a life that's filled with laughter and love.
I can't see how we can laugh wholeheartedly if in the back of our minds something is lurking and weighing us down. That something can be resentment, anger, bitterness, disappointment, sadness or a sense of failure.
Meaning: Do we have a specific purpose in life? Is the life we are leading right now meaningful to us? Are we fulfilling what we consider to be of utmost value?
To me, a meaningful life implies a life lived beyond self, helping others in need, comforting the heart-broken and helping to heal sick bodies and souls.
Albert Schweitzer reminds us that living a richer and happier life comes from living for others: "Life becomes harder for us when we live for others, but it also becomes richer and happier."
I just received from Seoul a monthly magazine my sister publishes with her pastor husband reporting on their mission helping the homeless over the past 15 years.
In the current issue, my brother-in-law Rev. Yoo talks about the happiness he finds when he is helping the homeless; running the shelter that feeds and houses some 30 persons, providing meals to the street people who congregate at the Seoul Railroad Station every Monday, sharing a sense of God's grace in the midst of drudgery and poverty.
Achievement: What do you want to achieve? Are you doing something tangible to achieve that goal? What do you want to leave behind? Money that can help build a better society in some way? An invention that helps reduce someone's suffering? A remarkable building that adds beauty to the world? Are you a good parent who builds your child's sense of worth and self-esteem?
I don't have much ambition. I will be thankful each day if I can live simply making myself available to God. I am willing to serve in a small way for the betterment of the people around me by smiling, by engaging the lonely and the elderly in small talk and conveying my good wishes to them.
I'd like to laugh often and love much. No job title or job description other than to be of some help to those around me to lead a good life.
Why not join me to live well, laugh often and love much?
Hyon O'Brien is a former reference librarian now living in the United States. She can be reached at hyonobrien@gmail.com.
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