By Kim See-bong
It was more than 30 years ago when I returned home to settle down after wondering overseas for 12 years. I've been engaged in private education since. During this period I could feel how big the difference was between mothers of my times and the current mothers in their attitude toward their children's education and much more.
Across time it is the same in that they want to bring up their children in the best way possible. The difference lies in how.
The parental enthusiasm of my generation about a successful education for their children is by no means inferior to that of today's younger generation. However, the meaning of success between the two is extremely different.
One was intended purely for the sake of their children and often as a pathfinder for a family who could build a better life out of long-suffered poverty, whereas the objective of the other is not truly for the benefit of their children.
It is incidental to the self-satisfaction of their mothers, as they want to bring their children up successfully for the purpose of first, beating others, rather than becoming the winner in the competition their children are running for them against their indefinite opponents. They could be their neighbors, friends or relatives. What's important for them is to keep their children one-up on others for their prestige. According to a psychologist, this is a psychological reaction to one's deep inferiority complex.
In our times, a mother’s first concern was about the wellbeing of their children both in mind and body, and studying well was important not for maternal conceit but for the virtue of life. So those who are very poor academically were not treated as sinners like today as long as they are people of good personality, a filial son and daughter.
On the contrary, today's mothers give top priority to the goal they set arbitrarily for their children. In most cases the goal is to enter a national recognized school, that is, the best middle and high schools and on to university. In the extreme, the competition often starts from kindergarten, where children are recruits being trained to wage a surrogate war for their mothers.
For them this world appears to exist only for victors. They think there's no place for losers, so they drive their innocent kids toward the rat race. They are torturing their children, not educating them. Yet their commonest excuse is "only for my children."
Once in my academy I overheard some kids, fourth or fifth graders, talking during break time:
“Where do you go after this academy?”
“I go to math academy.”
“Is that all?”
“Never happens! I have another after that.”
“When can we take a rest at all?”
“Never until we die.”
Overhearing this, I felt something like a hammer hit my head. Am I not part of the crime killing the kids on the pretext of education? My heart was broken at this self-interrogation.
They are just burgeoning into life. Nevertheless, they regard their budding life as shackles from which they can never get free until they die. What an appalling tragedy! We are giving a stone to those who want a cake, believing otherwise.
At this juncture, how can we provide an ideal education untainted by maternal egotistic over-possessiveness? I reproach myself. Is there no way to afford them a chance to enjoy studying and learning that the greatest pleasure of life is to learn, and make what is learned part of ourselves? Is there nothing I can do for this purpose? Yes. Let's give them a break.
The writer is principal of the Polyglot Day School in Bundang, Gyeonggi Province. His email address is glsacademy@dreamwiz.com.