By Jason Lim
I remember listening to the Ven. Bomnyeon, a Buddhist monk who is well-known and respected for his off-the-cuff lectures on all issues ranging from North Korea nukes to personal relationships, field a question from a woman who had been brutally raped in the past and wanted desperately to escape from its clutches that continued to haunt her and ruin her life.
Speaking very carefully because this touched on a very traumatic and personal scar, he basically said to forgive unconditionally. More specifically, to forgive so that you can move on with your life without being forever subjected to something that happened to you in the past. Just consider it a bad dream that you woke up from. Don’t choose to live within that nightmare continuously. Choose to wake up. And forgiving is the first step towards that new state of being.
There were three things from his response that really struck me.
The first one was a visceral, angry reaction against someone who’d dare suggest that we could possibly forgive someone who had wronged us in such a violent and hurtful fashion. No way, no how.
The second one, however, was a more measured recognition that the monk was suggesting forgiveness as an empowerment tool to help the victim escape from the crime’s memory and begin building a life of her own unfettered by its darkness. It wasn’t about forgetting. Forgiving was something that you do for yourself to live with a memory but not allow it to control you.
This recognition led me to a deeper discovery that allowed me to realize that forgiveness and justice are two separate things in two basic ways. One, you forgive the wrongdoer, not the crime. Two, forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean you are not pursuing justice for the wrongdoing; you can forgive the perpetrator yet pursue justice for the act.
This leads me to the “comfort women” issue. I heard that another comfort woman had passed away recently, which leaves only a handful of women who were tricked or coerced to become sex slaves to the Japanese Imperial Army during World War II; only a handful remain of about 200,000 who were so enslaved in a brutal, inhuman, and unforgivable conditions.
When the first Korean comfort woman spoke out about her story in the early 1990’s, soon followed by other brave women, the world was shocked, sympathetic, and pushed Japan to own up to its past and apologize. This worked to a certain extent. It even led to the passage of a non-binding resolution in July 2007 in the U.S. House of Representatives saying the “Government of Japan should formally acknowledge, apologize, and accept historical responsibility in a clear and unequivocal manner for its Imperial Armed Force's coercion of young women into sexual slavery.”
But that’s where we are stuck today: Urging Japan to apologize. It refuses. Demanding again that Japan apologizes: Japan refusing and upping the ante. Angry demonstrations calling for Japan to apologize: Japan still saying no. It’s an increasingly shrill cycle of accusations and recriminations poisoning any possibility of cooperation.
At this point, we should ask, is the current strategy effective? And what is the ultimate goal? What does a “resolution for comfort women” issue look like?
Is it Japan suddenly owning up to its past abuses, with its emperor coming out and saying sorry? How likely is that to happen? Not too likely.
Or, is it finally freeing the surviving comfort women from their nightmarish experiences and making sure that nothing like it ever happens again?
If it’s the latter, why are we ceding Japan the power over the healing process? By hanging the success of the whole resolution on Japan apologizing (or not), we are allowing it to basically hold everyone hostage. This strategy of trying to get Japan to apologize is actually disempowering us from driving this narrative.
So, why not take a chapter out of Ven. Bomnyeon’s book and just forgive Japan without waiting for an apology? Remember, forgiveness is what you do for yourself to empower yourself to move beyond your past trauma. It doesn’t mean that you are giving up the effort to attain justice for the crime. It means declaring that the crime that you suffered through no longer controls your memory, emotions, relationships and life’s meaning.
How powerful would it be if the surviving comfort women got together and spoke with one voice with the following message: “We, the surviving members of the comfort women, forgive Japan for the inhuman crime that she perpetrated against us sixty years ago. By forgiving Japan, we are declaring our intent to move beyond the pain and taking control back for our own happiness and peace of mind. Japan’s crimes will no longer have any power over us.
Through this forgiveness, we also want to share our compassion for the Japanese people who also suffered greatly under Imperial Japan and reaffirm our common cause to make sure that such crimes against humanity never happen again. We hope that our forgiveness will nurture an atmosphere of common humanity, compassion, and mutual respect so that our daughters and granddaughters never have to suffer like we have.”
Now that would be moral leadership worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize and teach the world that forgiving is really about the future - about the future of our children.
Jason Lim has been writing for The Korea Times since 2006. He lives in Washington, D.C. He can be found on Facebook/jasonlim2000 and @jasonlim2012. You can also email him at jasonlim@msn.com.