By Chern-Nee Chua

In olden days, Korean mothers made self-sacrificing efforts for the sake of their family. They loved their children and would sacrifice everything for them. They faithfully served their in-laws and kept the house well.

Under the strict Confucian culture, a woman was dishonored if she committed any of the seven evils (chilgeojiak): disobeying in-laws, bearing no son, committing adultery, jealousy, carrying a hereditary disease, garrulousness and larceny. Women who suffered from patriarchal oppression became slaves to their in-laws until they died.

Recently, I stumbled upon a book “Questioning Minds,” which consists of short stories by modern Korean women writers collected by Kim Yung-hee. The 10 short stories she chosen are concerned with issues related to gender and kinship politics, such as women’s search for self-identity, gender relations, marriage and family institutions under a Confucian patriarchal Korean society. Sinyeoseong (new women) like “Kyonghui” (1918) written by Na Hye-sok flatly refused her father’s request for an arranged marriage and thus driving him into a rage.

In another story “Awakening” (1926) by Kim Won-ju, a young wife faithfully awaits for her husband to return after graduating from his studies in Japan only to found herself being betrayed and abandoned by him. Her marriage of six to seven years was shattered in pieces overnight. However, she managed to pick up the pieces and sent him their child upon its birth and returned back to school with the help of her mother.

These two stories highlighted the transformation of typical docile, submissive women who overcame all the odds trying to lead their own life in the early 20th century. However, many were still suffering badly under the merciless treatment of their in-laws during that era.

My Korean friend told me that her 90-year old grandmother used to wear the old pants her daughters discarded. To save on toilet paper, she even used newspaper to clean herself. When her children gave her money to spend, she would put it inside her own secret compartment without spending a cent.

Asked her why she is trying so hard to maintain such a frugal lifestyle when her life is turning around for better. She answered, “I’m leaving all these money for my sons and grandsons.”

When her great-grandmother suffered from dementia, her grandmother dutifully nursed her till she died. According to my friend, her grandmother was constantly verbally abused by her mother-in-law while her grandfather busied himself with a series of extramarital affairs. All these, she endured with silence and pinning her hopes on her children.

While my friend is trying hard to admire her grandmother’s self-sacrifice, she adamantly refused to follow in her footsteps.

“I want to live life to the fullest and hopefully not to be end up as a housewife like some of my peers! For highly educated women ending up as housewives … Well, let’s put it this way, perhaps this can be regarded as another kind of self-sacrifice for a woman in modern Korea. At least they are able to impart their knowledge to their children without burning a big hole in their pockets by sending them to several hagwon (cram schools)!”

Chern-Nee Chua is a Singaporean of Chinese descent. She has been working as a full-time private Chinese language tutor since 2001. Contact the writer at younggun_007sg@yahoo.com.sg.