By Mary-Jane Liddicoat

A recent UNICEF survey found that Korean children are the unhappiest in the OECD. As a nation, Korea has continued to grow and mature: it has become a democracy, a wealthy OECD member, a globally known technology brand, and will host a G-20 summit.

So what's up with the happiness of Korean children?

Could it be the rigid criteria for success: becoming rich, famous, or a member of an 'elite' profession or first tier company? The prescribed way to achieve this being an intensive path of study from an ever younger age (pre-school) and training 24/7 to pass a rigid system of exams.

If you deliver this outcome, you are successful. If not, you're a failure, or at best, less than others. Does this sound like it would contribute to happiness?

Who do you think of when you think of success? Someone rich and famous like Richard Branson or Beyonce, or someone contributing to the world like Einstein or Mother Teresa?

Whoever represents your idea of success, ask yourself whether they followed a prescribed system. Were they unhappy, half-hearted, unexcited, uninspired and disenfranchised in the process? Was their aim to be like someone else? Or were they being themselves and in the process changed the world?

It seems that most of us spend our lives feeling like 20, 50 or 80 per cent of someone else, instead of being 100 per cent of ourselves. Perhaps it has never occurred to us that we could be the most valuable and make the greatest contribution by knowing, and being ourselves.

How much of our stress and sense of failure stems from our self judgement that we're not as good as someone else? I'm not clever enough. I didn't work hard enough. I'm not (choose one or all) pretty, thin, handsome, rich, [add your own complaint here] enough. I'm not enough like "them."

There are plenty of people reinforcing this system. Bullies in all walks and at all levels of society work hard to keep others 'less than', out of fear of losing their place at ``the top."

What if there were no ``top" and ``bottom"? Do you see that if we were all 100 per cent ourselves, we become truly unique and competition becomes a non-issue? How can one unique thing be better or worse than the other? Each makes a unique contribution.

What if, like Einstein and Mother Teresa you could be you and change the world? What much needed innovation and change could we generate in society if we each contributed 100 per cent of our unique talents, abilities and inspirations, and were in allowance of ourselves and others? Would that be valuable? Would that make study fun and success easier?

What do I mean by allowance? Being like a rock in the stream, totally aware and without judgement of the world's trauma, drama, thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions, attitudes and beliefs. Only by being this aware can you know what choice will make the greatest contribution. If not, unconscious judgements will limit your awareness and you'll end up being sucked unconsciously along and choosing what someone else has decided is valuable to them.

I have tools for another day to help you stay in allowance. Today's will help you ease up on your self judgement and help you better know you. Ask: 'what's right about me that I'm not getting?' and 'if I were me, what would I be, that would contribute to me, others and the planet'? Only you will know what you receive from these questions. Take it and play.

This is free and won't hurt you or anyone else, so you would not try it for what reason? What else is possible for you?

This was the final of a three-part article. The writer was head of the education section of the Australian Embassy in Seoul until June 2009. For more information and tools to help you thrive, not just survive, contact her at mary-jane@healthyhomes.asia.