Living With Perfection

By Jake J. Nho

My wife is perfect. The perception of being perfect may differ from person to person but, trust me, my wife is as perfect as they come.

I will call this woman Hee-sun because it is in fact her name. I could ask her if it's alright to use her real name but I am quite certain she would have it no other way. To be honest, I do not intend to tell her that I am writing about her. Like all humans, perfect and imperfect, I fear for my life.

So let's look at this perfection thing. In the nearly 25 years that I have known her and been married to her, she has never been late; Not a single time, not for anything.

If you can do math, that's almost a quarter of a century. I believe that she probably was never late before our fateful meeting in 1986 and probably will never be. That's perfection.

There is of course more to Hee-sun's perfection than being on time. It is every way that she goes about her business, from checking each detail of the potato that she takes endless time to select to the more serious work of tending to our children's education.

There were times, during moments of temporary insanity, when I second guessed her and I naturally ended up paying dearly. As I have fortunately matured, and gained some wisdom in the process, I no longer endanger myself by challenging Hee-sun's calls.

There are times when my wonderful daughters, now aged 14 and 18, take it upon themselves, probably in times of enormous mental distress, to question my wife.

I advise them, when I have the opportunity, that their dad had travelled this painful path before and there is often no turning back. That they should take deep breaths and think twice, or three times, or whatever it takes to stop themselves from going beyond the point of no return.

Sometimes, I wonder: What it is like to be so perfect? I often describe Hee-sun not just as a straight arrow, but steel chopsticks, someone who doesn't know how to bend, nor would bend for any reason or cause. That is scary.

Sometimes I wonder how hard it must be to live with such discipline, with no excuses, no explanations. I don't think that Hee-sun strives to be perfect. It is simply in her nature.

There are some good things that came out of this. I am not late any more.

There used to be times when Hee-sun and I were dating that I strangely had the nerve to be half an hour late. I don't remember what got into me but I somehow got away with it, seeing that I am writing this piece now.

I think what it was was that Hee-sun thought I was a pretty good catch ― you know, six feet two, quite decent looking and all ― and she decided she could fix me once we exchanged our vows.

That was that one time, as far as I know, that she was wrong. It took her a good few years to set me in the right direction. A good many years but some problems have been tended to. Others, I am afraid, are taking a little more time than Hee-sun planned.

But that comes with perfection. I don't know if I need to apologize but not everyone is perfect. I certainly am not. I would like to be, if nothing else than for being the poorer half of our union and wanting to be better.

Wanting to be better. This is something that Hee-sun would approve of. She may notice the little things that I do, which I do for no other reason than to win her approval. And there is so much satisfaction in living up to the expectations of a perfectionist.

Actually, living with a perfect person is not such a burden. It in fact gives you so much breathing room since you know that someone is always on the lookout and checking for errors, and setting them straight.

I really don't mind living with perfection. I think I was born for it. Too bad Hee-sun continues to see my little failings and wonders if she picked the right person as the father of her children.

Life goes on.

I remember that movie "Groundhog Day." A really heartening movie. It is one where this grouchy weather broadcaster keeps waking up to the same morning, day after day, until that one day when he makes everything perfect. Only then, does he wake the next morning lying in the same bed as the love of his life.

I don't have to keep waking up to the same day over and over again. I already have perfection living in my house. It is only that I need to take a greater stride toward perfection, if for no other reason than that I owe it to my very perfect wife.

The writer, who lives in central Seoul, can be reached at jakenho@hotmail.com.