Korean Way of Addressing People

By Yang Jin-sung

Korea has come a long way democratically and economically. With its per capita GDP amounting to $24,500, everybody looks well fed and healthy. Sadly, however, people seem to be experiencing more stress than before.

There are many reasons as to why people are more stressed. One of the reasons I want to expand on is the fact that Korean people are surface-oriented and, as a result, constantly categorize people and addresses them in a ``traditional manner.'' This behavior can be very rude and insensitive, especially in public places.

Traditionally, adults avoid using each other's names and prefer to address one another using titles, which is a form of politeness in Korea.

When addressing somebody whose name we don't know, we also use titles, usually based on the appearance of their age and gender. If you look like you would be a married woman, the title ``ajumma'' (middle aged woman) is for you.

If you are well dressed and look like a wealthy married woman, you would be called ``samonim'' (teacher's wife). Professional women do not favor either term, due to their condescending connotation and implied dependence on men.

I have begun to resent the way some titles are more than just a polite form of address but are instead of way of categorizing people according to age, sex, job or some other class-related criteria.

Using those kinds of titles simply reinforces our authoritarian tendency and codifies our habit of putting each other into specific pigeon-holes reflecting our relative status.

If we cannot call each other by our names with a simple ``ssi'' (Mr. or Ms) added, then we should stick to general, polite and neutral titles such as ``seonsaengnim'' (teacher).

A few days ago, I visited a dentist near my place. It was my first time there. There were three female staff members, including the dentist.

An older woman was getting treatment, during which she spoke to the dentist using the term ``eonni'' (older sister). This surprised me, because dentists, like doctors, are normally called by the more polite ``seonsaengnim.''

Then again, it is widely stereotyped that most dentists, like doctors, are male. I was very curious about how the female dentist would react to the older lady's use of ``eonni.'' She just responded by telling her, ``I'm not your eonni.'' I wonder if the older woman cared about what the dentist said.

This made me wonder if she would have addressed a male dentist as ``oppa'' (older brother) or ``ajeossi'' (uncle). I suspect not. Older Koreans are simply not used to showing respect to professional women.

There really is no reason to use a title that identifies the person by their sex and relative age. These qualities are not relevant in any situation. Professionals, like dentists, whether male or female, young or old, should be addressed as ``seonsaengnim,'' a simple, polite yet neutral term.

At a local bank, a 20-something-year-old bank teller sometimes called me by ``samonim." This made me feel uncomfortable, partly because the title ``samonim'' is an honorific title for an older and wealthy woman who is married.

So I challenged the young clerk. I said to her, ``Thank you for the title but I'm not married yet. How then would you call me in my case?" I suggested that she should call me by my name with a title ``ssi'' or just ``gogaeknim'' (customer).

She remained silent, and when I visited the bank again, she didn't use the word ``samonim."

I saw no reason for somebody to address me with a term that identified my gender and marital status. If the clerk did not know my name, it would have been more appropriate for her to call me the polite and neutral ``seonsaengnim."

One of my male alumni friends told me a story about the lack of sensitivity a sales lady showed toward him one day. He was looking around a local wholesale market during a last minute sale before closing time.

A young sales woman stopped him and said ``abeonim (father), this toothpaste is very good and effective for dentures. Why don't you use it?''

He was very embarrassed to hear this and thought to himself ``as the father of a ten year old girl, do I really look old enough to be a father that uses dentures?'' I laughed uncontrollably when I heard this.

This is another example of how Koreans use gender and age-specific titles without regarding the feelings of others. This also shows how inept the employee training is at local markets in Korea. In this case, it would have been fun to do the same thing to her by calling her ``eomeoni'' (mother) or ``ajumma'' (aunt) in revenge.

Why can't we just call each other ``seonsaengnim?'' We don't have to constantly remind others how old they are and what their marital status is by using traditional relationship terms.

Every day I see people and the media use titles indicating marriage, gender and occupations. When a woman appears on TV, she is introduced with her three-syllable Korean name and the title ``jubunim'' (housewife) even though her marital status has nothing to do with the show.

In a worse case scenario, a newspaper used the English names with the title ``halmeoni'' (grandmother) for an American book author and lawyer who was a woman, probably because she was 65 and old enough to be a grandmother. I doubt the female author appreciated being called ``grandmother'' by the Korean media.

It's time for Korea to reconsider peripheral matters like using titles. In a professional context, especially, titles such as father, mother, aunt, uncle or titles based on age are not really appropriate.

This practice annoys both the younger Korean generation and international people. The media should take the initiative and enlighten people by casting off this provincial attitude and inappropriate traditionalism. We urgently need to start using language relevant in the modern context.

jsyang77@hotmail.com

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The writer is a cross-cultural trainer working for Shepell.fgi.