Sunoo CEO James Lee

This is the third in a series of columns by James Lee, CEO of matchmaking firm Sunoo (www.couple.net), about various aspects of marriage on the basis of their 20 years in business. ED.

When I first was starting my matchmaking business 20 years ago, there was a man that I remember very clearly: He was young and was pursued by numerous women, but he rejected all of them due to a lack of chemistry. For 10 years I tried to set him up with many women, but he continued to complain about chemistry and looks.

Recently, he turned 45 and paid me a visit. With time and aging, his appearance had inevitably changed, and he had gained weight and was losing his hair. He was still single and still focused on the importance of physical chemistry. This man's case inspired me to investigate this topic further.

I believe that older men have lower chances of getting married and that their chances will decrease even more if they set their physical attractiveness/chemistry standards too high. One of the reasons older men have a harder time getting married is financial; they often appeal to younger women because of their perceived economic stability and need to be wary of women who are simply attracted to them for their money. However, a bigger reason is their desire to marry an attractive woman (and not looking objectively and realistically at themselves and their own attractiveness). Men often exaggerate the truth about themselves, saying that they look younger than their actual age or that they are more financially successful than they really are.

As men age, they tend to have fewer opportunities to meet women and therefore need to decrease the amount of importance they place on attractiveness. According to our research, many men have more success in getting married when they place less emphasis on looks.

For our study we used information from our member database to examine the relationship between the men's age and the women's attractiveness at the time of marriage. We categorized 3,291 women that were married in the past ten years to men aged 29 to 38.

Men that were age 30 when they got married had wives with an average attractiveness score of 81.77, men who got married at age 33 had wives with an average score of 81.11 and men who got married at age 37 married women with an average score of 79.71. This data shows that as men got older the perceived attractiveness of their wives decreased. As men get older they decrease the emphasis they place on physical attractiveness.

This research has important implications. First, if you place a lot of importance on attractiveness and chemistry as mate selection criteria, it is optimal to get married earlier than later in life. If we take a look at the data comparing the husband's age and their wife's attractiveness, we can see that husbands aged 29 had the brides with the highest attractiveness scores.

Secondly, women these days prefer to marry men similar in age. This doesn't mean that women do not like older men but that they simply have some concerns about marrying someone older. For example, women may fear becoming a widow at an early age.

Third, women also consider attractiveness as an important factor. Older men's mature and stable image may be appealing to some women, but women usually feel more naturally attracted to younger men. Isn't it human nature for someone presented with two potential romantic partners with identical qualifications that only differ in age to select the younger one? My advice is that if you are not willing to compromise on looks and strong physical attraction, you will have better luck and more satisfying results if you try marry by the age of 29.

Couple.net affiliate Marriage & Relationship R&D Division conducted a study using 3,291 males from our member database between the ages of 29 and 38 that had gotten married in the past ten years to female Couple.net members. The accompanying table and graph compares the PAI (physical attractiveness index) that female members received when they registered and that was recorded in our member database. The average attractiveness score was 80.66. The data graphed shows that until age 34 the attractive ratings are above the average. However, after the age of 34, the scores drop below the average. For men who married between the ages of 29 and 33, their wives had an average score of 81 compared to 84.88 for men aged 35. Compared to this, men between 34 and 37 married women with lower attractiveness scores.The results show that older men seem to be more willing to lower their expectations on physical attractiveness when selecting a spouse.