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Sat, June 3, 2023 | 13:00
Reasons why men have affairs
남자가 바람 피우는 이유
Posted : 2012-07-16 16:09
Updated : 2012-07-16 16:09
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The following is a contribution by Dr. Lee Young-jin, Daegu Conel Urology Hospital. ­ED.

If there is one topic that fills the television screen, it’s “adultery.” Because of dramas with affairs that pop out every time one changes the channel, Korean wives glare at their husbands sitting next to them - but why do men have affairs?

There are many opinions on the issue ranging from men’s nature to produce offspring, to the premise of “The Capital,” which states men seek something illicit after they become rich.

Unlike women, men do not have menopause. Of course, there is a decrease in sexual desire and biological activity like women’s menopause, but the problem is it’s not as noticeable as the menopause. Males’ climacterium progresses slowly and quietly.

When a man reaches his 40s, the cells in his testicles that secrete male hormones slowly die. The older a man gets, the more stress he receives and the more alcohol and cigarettes he indulges in, and the faster this process accelerates.

As the cell dies out, the level of testosterone decreases. In proportion to this decrease, erectile function also declines. At this point, males get anxious that their genitals are failing to do their job, and they subconsciously obsess over sexual activity and try to increase the frequency of the act.

It may not seem understandable at first but men who suspect their failure as males will compulsively engage in sexual activities to prove their masculinity [that is not a failure] and will obsess over sex to prove this.

If they prove this in sex with their wives, they would be able to manage a happy family. But they can hardly be successful in their attempts due to the prejudices that their wives know about their dwindling sexual ability. As a result, they look for women who will acknowledge them as men.

This may seem like defending men but it’s something worth thinking over. Aren’t “crisis of 40s” and “40-year-old breadwinner’s lethargy” phrases we easily encounter? When we think about it, adultery and side-glances of a breadwinner in his 40s seem to come from continuous self-checks on masculinity, and anxiety.

This is why I sympathizes with men in their 40s. However, it’s unclear whether adultery is thriving in Korea or whether the topic is provocative enough in the competitive television viewer ratings survey.

남자가 바람 피우는 이유
요즘 TV 브라운관을 가득 메우는 한가지 주제가 있으니, 바로 ‘불륜’이다. 채널 돌리기가 무섭게 튀어나오는 불륜극 덕분에 대한민국 아줌마들은 옆에 있는 남편을 가자미 눈을 뜨고 노려보기 일쑤인데, 남자는 왜 바람을 피울까? 남성이 자신의 종족을 퍼뜨리고 싶어하는 본성부터 시작해, 이제 살만하다 싶으니 딴생각하게 된다는 아줌마들의 ‘자본론’까지 다양한 의견들이 있다. 남자의 경우, 여자와 달리 폐경기라는 게 없다. 물론 여자의 폐경처럼 성욕이 감퇴하고, 생물학적인 활동성이 떨어지는 현상은 존재하는데, 문제는 여자처럼 어느 순간 ‘폐경기다!’라고 딱 표시 나는 그런 게 아니란 것이다. 서서히, 그리고 조용히 진행되는 것이 바로 남성의 폐경기다. 남자는 40대가 되면 이때부터 서서히 고환에 있는 남성호르몬 분비세포가 죽기 시작한다. 나이가 들어갈수록, 스트레스를 많이 받을수록, 술담배를 많이 할수록 이 속도는 점점 빨라진다. 이 고환세포가 죽어가면서 테스토스테론의 분비량은 감소하고 서서히 남성성이 사라지게 된다. 남성성이 서서히 사라져가는 것과 비례해 발기 기능도 저하된다. 이 상태에 이르게 되면 남성들은 자신의 성기가 제 기능을 못한다는 불안감과 함께 무의식적으로 성행위에 집착하게 되고, 성행위 빈도를 증가시키기 위해 노력하게 된다. 얼핏 보면 이해가 안 가는 행위 같지만 자신이 서서히 남성으로서의 역할을 수행하지 못할 거란 걸 예감하게 된 남성들은 강박적으로 그렇지 않다는 자신의 남성성을 확대하기 위해 즉 성행위를 할 수 있고 이를 증명하기 위해 섹스에 집착하게 된다는 것이다. 문제는 이런 생각을 와이프를 통해 입증하면 아주 행복한 가정이 될 수 있을 터인데, 너무도 와이프에 익숙하기 때문에 실패하고 성적인 감흥을 느끼지 못하게 된다. 이런 상황에서 자신을 남자로 인정해주는 여자를 찾게 된다. 이렇게 보면 남성의 불륜을 옹호하는 듯한 느낌의 내용이지만 다시 한번 되짚어 볼 만한 구석이 있는 내용일 것이다. 40대의 위기, 40대 가장의 무기력함 등은 우리가 주변에서 쉽게 접하는 말이 아니던가? 생각해보면 40대 가장의 외도와 곁눈질은 남성성에 대한 끊임없는 자기 확인과 불안감 때문이란 느낌이 든다. 40대 남성들에게 연민이 가는 대목이라 할 수 있다. 대한민국에 불륜이 만연해서인지, 아니면 시청률 경쟁을 위해 꺼내든 자극적인 소재인지는 모르겠지만, 지금 안방극장을 달구고 있는 불륜열풍은 바로 이런 남성들의 자기 정체성에 대한 불안감을 담보로 한 이야기란 점에서 뒤끝이 씁쓸하다.
 
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