Dear Dr.P,

I have lived in Korea for a number of years. I love living here, and my condition is by no means a reflection of my time in Korea!
I have had for some time a problem of uncontrolled bad thoughts. These thoughts have led to panic attacks and lately, a real feeling of confusion and unhappiness. I have managed to live with these problems for a number of years but seem to be running out of energy to control them. Recently, it has become increasingly harder to go out and relax with friends or to go about my usual daily routines.
My marriage is suffering as well as I tend to vent my anger and frustration on my wife. Some of my depression has to do with her from past events in our lives together. I tend to just stay home these days.
I want to feel normal again and be free these bad thoughts and anxieties.
I have had headaches for the last few weeks. I feel that my limit has been reached and professional help is needed. I am not in danger, but realize my life can be much better with some help from a professional. (anonymous)
Dear Anonymous,

I am so sorry that you have been suffering with depression for a long time. Sometimes suffering depression is like falling into a swamp; it becomes harder to escape from it on your own. You need to get a professional treatment through psychotherapy as well as pharmacotherapy.
In some sense, depression could be a serious suffering but also it can turn out to be a good chance for your future. Through the depression, you can understand yourself more deeply and once you overcome it, your outlook on life will improve significantly.
Please don’t hesitate to contact the specialists who can give you some professional help. I hope your depression will turn evils into blessings in the end.
Dr. P


Dear Dr. P,
I am a 45-year-old white male living in the United States, divorced, and have been seeing a Korean girl in her mid-thirties. Our relationship has been labeled a friendship until now, but I am ready to take it to the next level. I feel she is ready to do the same. I would like to impress her and her parents (who live here also), by courting her in the customs of Korea. Can you explain to me what these conventional approaches are? I don't want to ask her because I want it to be a surprise. (anonymous)

Dear Anonymous,
Naturally, there are cultural differences in the matter of courting. However, I believe that the fundamental basics of dating and courting are synonymous, regardless of nationality or ethnicity. On that note, I think it is more important for you to build a strong foundation of trust and love within your relationship, rather than spring a dramatic surprise.

I often recommend the 3.3 principle to couples who are struggling within or have questions about their relationships. This principle states that one should be able to do the three utmost things that his or her partner desires, and that one should also be able to refrain from doing the three utmost things that his or her partner despises. I believe that if you follow this principle, your relationship will progress very nicely.

Although it is important to understand her Korean culture and court her accordingly, I think the more significant point is that you understand her as a person. Differentiate between her personal likes and dislikes, her expectations, and her wishes. No matter how much you try to impress her by your knowledge of Korean customs, it will be useless if you can't impress her with your sense of self and for your treatment of and attitude towards her.

Good luck to you, and I sincerely hope that a beautiful relationship based on truth and love will come to you in the very near future.