Sunoo CEO James Lee

This is the fifth in a series of columns by James Lee, CEO of matchmaking firm Sunoo (www.couple.net), about various aspects of marriage on the basis of their 20 years in business― ED.

Koreans have many different and very specific preferences regarding their ideal mate. 20 - 30 years ago, parents typically arranged the marriage and few questions were asked. Today, individuals are allowed to freely select their future spouses and a lot of thought is given to marriage, and many more questions are asked. Relationships and the steps taken to marriage are conducted completely differently. This is also directly reflected in what individuals look for in their ideal spouse.

Many people have ideals when considering a lifelong partner. The main traits that people focus on can be divided into four categories: social and financial status (educational background, occupation, and annual salary) physical appearance (height, attractiveness, and other physical attributes), family background (family environment and the quality of the relationships between family members), and personality. The percentage chance of getting married depends on how much importance is placed on each category.

Typically it is stated that men place the most importance on physical attractiveness. A man that placed more than 50% on a woman's looks as important for an ideal spouse was unsuccessful in getting married even after 150 blind dates. Many men that have great qualities in all four categories fail to get married due to a high emphasis placed on physical attractiveness.

On the other hand a woman with a prestigious educational background and a prominent career places more importance on family background. This type of woman took her parents advice and married a man that was from a harmonious family. Many people may say that she could have married a ``better'' man; however, the in-laws get along and she is happily married.

Even with similar expectations, why is it that some people can and some cannot get married?

We compared people that had scored 70-80 on the compatibility test and had gone on about 10 blind dates. The individuals were divided into married and unmarried groups and their ideal mates were compared.

Social and financial status, physical appearance, family background, and personality were the four categories that people considered when selecting a spouse. The importance placed on the four categories added up to a total of 100. When we compared married and unmarried people we could see that they placed different emphasis on each condition.

Both men and women that ended up getting married placed more emphasis on family background. What about the people that failed to get married? They placed more emphasis on personality. I think this is due to the idea that personality is important in a marriage. However, people that married place more importance on family background. I guess we can say that it's the difference between perception and reality.

I am not saying that people that get married eliminated personality when considering their future spouse. Married couples can vouch for the importance of personality in a happy marriage. However, it is hard to determine someone's exact personality in a short period of time and it's also true that many traits of someone's personality are based on emotions.

A man that said he married based on his ex-wife's personality saw his first marriage fail and was also unsuccessful in his second marriage. He said that his ex-wife's personality was totally different before and after getting married. You say personality is important? People that were married for 20 - 30 years speak from their experience.

Instead of rushing to a conclusion about someone's personality pay more attention to his or her family, an influential factor in shaping an individual's characteristics. This will be a better determinant in deciding on a spouse. This is information that has been discovered through research.

Another factor, personality can only be determined by the two individuals in the relationship; however, family background can be discussed amongst family members. I think that this would allow you to make a more sound decision.

When these two elements are combined not only will you be able to get married, but these elements will play a positive role in your marriage life. This is something I've learned through my 20 years of match making experience.