Amy Chua, the author of “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” / Courtesy of Peter S. Mahakian

By Chung Ah-young

One of the hottest books, which triggered a debate about parenting around the world, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother” written by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School, has finally reached Korean shores. The book translated into Korean is coming into the spotlight in a nation strict on childrearing.

The author reveals the secrets of how Chinese parents raise children successfully in American society. To become “Chinese mothers,” she suggests a not-to-do list for children: attend a sleepover; have a play date; be in a school play; complain about not being in a school play; watch TV or play computer games; choose their own extracurricular activities; get any grade less than an A; not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama; play any instrument other than the piano or violin; not play the piano or violin.

Chua writes that parents should actively engage in children’s careers, guide them to find their way and strictly control them as they don’t do things that are good for them.

Her accounts seem familiar and similar to Korean parenting but looking deeper Chua’s parenting methods are more demanding and harsher.

For example, Western parents who think themselves strict make their children practice their instruments 30 minutes a day but a Chinese mother insists on two or three hours.

As her parents did to Chua, she demanded her daughters speak both Chinese and English fluently and always get A grades. She also made them do laborious tasks such as carrying things on family trips and do household chores. Chua tells of when she was a child she dug a hole for a pool, cleaned the bathroom and pulled up weeds, which eventually contributed to making her strong and successful.

She has two daughters _ Sophia who is obedient and loyal and Lulu who is rebellious compared to her first daughter. The professor finds it difficult to raise Lulu in the same way as Sophia.

Sophia plays the piano extremely well and has performed at Carnegie Hall while Lulu plays the violin very well but against her will.
Chua’s battle with Lulu began quite early. Even though appearing cruel, she punished Lulu by making her stand outside in winter for a few minutes in temperatures below minus five degrees Celsius. Lulu’s first act of defiance was when her mother wanted her to play the piano at three.

The author’s strong faith in Chinese parenting lies in her parents’ unique history as immigrants in the United States. She said her family began as outsiders and became Americans against all odds. When she was a child, she was often teased by her peers for her Chinese accent. Whenever facing difficulty, she overcame it through her parents’ devotion and instructions leading her in the right direction.

For Chua, one of the things she fears most is the “decline” of her family as she finds a certain pattern among Chinese immigrants as generations change. The first generation, like her parents, was usually diligent, hard-working and frugal and succeeded in business or as scholars or technicians. The second generation, like Chua, who was born in the U.S. tends to succeed relatively easily in academic arenas and tend to attend Ivy League universities and have high-profile professions such as lawyers, doctors and bankers and become richer than their parents due to the enormous investment and devotion of their parents. They are not as strict as their parents were. The third generation or her daughters enjoy the benefits of the life that was established by their parents and grandparents. They can go to expensive private schools and take it for granted that they wear luxury brand clothes and often ignore their parents’ advice over careers and refuse to follow their wishes. These factors will lead to this generation’s decline, Chua thinks.
When her first baby was born, Chua decided never to let this happen to her children. Learning a musical instrument is one reason children head in the right direction through the tight training and practice not only for the musical skills but also for the spiritual practice.

Unlike Sophia, Lulu went against her mother’s will every time, particularly, in regards to violin practice. But for Chua, the violin is more than just a musical instrument. It symbolizes elegance and depth contradictory to shopping malls and other shallow commercial and materialistic pass times. Above all, it is a means of control for her children and at the same time is a Chinese-style childrearing model.

However, for Lulu, the violin is a symbol of oppression. Due to pressure from Chua, Lulu sometimes punched, thrashed and kicked at her mother and one day sloppily cut her hair in a gesture of rebellion. To motivate her Chua used insults, negotiated with, threatened and yelled at Lulu but realized she is different to Sophia and herself. After years of conflict Chua has taken a different approach, similar to Western parenting to Lulu. Chua has become more open and permissive and gave her the option to choose what she wanted to do and Lulu chose tennis instead of the violin.

Although the younger daughter voluntarily chose to play tennis, Chua saw great potential for success. Lulu showed tenacity and a strong sense of competitiveness to become the best in her field. In that sense, Chua is relieved and still believes her strict parenting made her that way although she still hopes Lulu someday will return to the violin.

Chua’s memoirs may seem extreme by Western, and even Korean standards, of parenting when she strictly controls her daughters _ driving them into extreme choices and depriving them of their right to be happy.

Nonetheless her words are realistic and candid, portraying her inner struggle between a tiger mother and a permissive Western mother in dealing with Lulu. Many may question whether her parenting is for her own desires rather than for her children’s future. But if understating Chua’s background as a second-generation Chinese immigrant who has been sidelined from the mainstream, she has many reasons to strike back against all threats and comments about her story. As she says, she is still in a battle with her daughter and at least readers can find inspiration from her experiences.