By Dale McFeatters
Much to Iran's annoyance, the U.S. has been throwing its considerable weight around the Persian Gulf with its giant carrier battle groups and an 11-nation naval exercise scheduled for next month to show Tehran what awaits should it try to close the Straits of Hormuz.
Iran has decided to throw a little weight of its own around by putting its warships in international waters off the coast of the United States. If not exactly the shrewdest strategic move ― "Iran politely offers the U.S. Navy an easy target" was one international headline ― it is Iran's legal right.
Iran's chief naval officer, Adm. Habibollah Sayyari, a truly distinguished-looking man who could play a psychiatrist on American TV if the Iranian-navy thing doesn't work out for him, was a little murky about the time frame for his ships appearing off our coasts, saying it would be "in the next few years."
Getting here could not be pleasant for the Iranian sailors. Most of their ships are small, some of them speedboat size, and while they've ventured into the Indian Ocean and eastern Mediterranean, they haven't tried an Atlantic crossing, where the seas are much rougher.
It would detract from the display of naval might if the armada arrived with half the crew barfing over the railing.
Presumably they'll try to do a little better than the Russians in a joint naval exercise with Colombia. The Russians sent along an oceangoing tug in case one of the three ships it committed to send broke down.
Even so, a columnist in Canada's National Post took a more serious view: "Much like their colleagues in the intelligence community, the U.S. military would probably welcome the deployment of an Iranian ship. It would make a pleasant break from routine to get their practice attack runs and close monitoring operations done on an actual enemy ship, for a change."
We should treat the Iranian ships as a goodwill mission and allow their sailors to have shore leave in a port that caters to sailors with pent-up cash and urges. Unlike the Soviets, there wouldn't be problem with defections, but some of the younger sailors who have known nothing but a socially repressive society might lose track of time and forget to return to their ships.
As part of a training exercise, the Coast Guard could chopper incapacitated Iranian sailors back to their ships. Speaking of which, the underfunded and undermanned Coast Guard could probably use some help, especially in the summer, if the Iranians would help pick up and tow yachts that break down, run out of fuel, get lost or take on water.
The Iranian sailors may be able to help out in another way. This fall, "Jersey Shore" begins its sixth and final season, and if the franchise is to be revived it badly needs new blood. Snooki is a mom, but may do a show with JWoww anyway. The Situation is in rehab. And TV critics say the "Pauly D Project" opened poorly.
Maybe a show about a group of Iranian sailors who get shipwrecked in Asbury Park and the wacky adventures that ensue. They could call it "Ghotbzadeh's Island." You can send the royalty checks to me in care of this newspaper.
Dale McFeatters is an editorial writer for Scripps Howard News Service (www.scrippsnews.com).
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