By Bernard Rowan
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Recently, several high-profile divorces have occurred: Kim Na-Young, Park Eun-hye, and Yumin are just some of many. Im Hyung-joon and Lee Yong-dae are some well-known men who are divorced. Although P-Goon and Yumin's divorce after the honeymoon made waves, the real story is most Korean divorces happen to couples in their 40s to 60s.
Koreans may seek a divorce for several reasons. Adultery, desertion, abuse of in-laws or the spouse are grounds. Not knowing if the spouse is alive (for three years or more) and irreconcilable difficulties are other reasons. A divorcing couple must first see an appointed family court official to address issues and we hope to avoid divorce.
More middle-aged and mature Koreans are considering and entering second marriages. The high incidence of divorce likely correlates with an increase in remarriage, as former cultural norms and expectations change. Women (and men) need not accept "nut rage" from their partners. They have the right and power to stop a bond that doesn't meet their needs and to start anew.
I've written before about the root causes of divorce. Lack of fulfillment in love and difficulties over finances rank high. Now, conflicts over family funds, work expectations, how to handle household matters and time spent away from the partner and children grow as reasons.
A comprehensive study of Korean divorces from 1956-2015, published by the Korea Legal Aid Center in 2016, highlights abandonment, mistresses registering as wives, physical abuse, and financial problems ― including having to support parents and in-laws. National Court Administration data last year showed that many couples decide to divorce around Lunar New Year and Chuseok.
Koreans face the intersection of two important social trends: a growing sense of Korean individuality and the growing freedom of women. The trends continue to affect marriage and childbirth in Korea. Marriage must now work as the more deliberate choice of two people as individuals. The lives of Korean women are improving. More women work, have public lives, and delay marriage and childbirth. Korean women don't have to accept secondary status to their partners. Many have the means and/or market power to divorce.
Korean divorce reflects the pressures and fallout of Korea's developmental miracle on present and prior generations. Having to work more and more hours, seemingly endlessly, leaves breadwinners moored from their loved ones. It breeds or correlates with behaviors that reduce the conjugal bond. Rising standards of living and lessened circumstances for older and younger Koreans leaves many younger and older Koreans helping their children or parents. This promotes bad feelings in the primary bond of husband and wife and in the extended household.
There's every reason not to rush to marry. I remember several male Korean friends "had to marry sooner than soon" and did so. Several divorced. Others experienced marital difficulties because their wives had different priorities and needs from "the norm."
Prospective husbands and wives need to know and plan and negotiate who will do what in the household. The old rule that it's the woman's domain doesn't hack it anymore if that means she does all the childcare and household care. Women want to work outside the home, or at least have lives in the wider society. Children of parents with needs must be honest with their future spouses upfront.
Waiting to marry until two people can support themselves more fully isn't bad. It's a cold world, but marriage should be more than a financial contract ― or a mutual disaster pact. There's still time for life in middle and older ages. Young people need not make "hurry up" the rule for love and life. It's not working anyway.
Bernard Rowan (browan10@yahoo.com) is associate provost for contract administration and professor of political science at Chicago State University. He is a past fellow of the Korea Foundation and former visiting professor at Hanyang University.
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